Redemption

The Struggle Within

The struggle within

As I make my way back to the safety of the church the fight begins. Old saints I once knew and respected begin to make accusations and talk behind my back. They remind me daily how I strayed. My only friends seem to be my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and my Pastor who prayed daily for my safe keeping and return to the fold. As I struggle with my past mistakes my old friends outside the church begin to come around. Then I am reminded that being a friend of the world and involving myself in their activities will take me away from God again. I wonder to myself how can I make new friends when I am not even given a chance.

Somewhere in the world unseen by the human eye a voice begins to laugh and states I knew he did not have it in him to stay the course satan will be proud. As he turns to his accomplice, Discouragement, he steps back and states I've planted my seeds your turn. As Discouragement steps forward he speaks in a low malicious voice telling Discord wait till you see what I do. I have brought many a saint down with my poison. Remember Judas Iscariot? It did not take long for him to crumble after I pointed out how greedy he was in selling out the innocent Jesus Christ of Nazareth for 30 pieces of silver, he cried like a little baby. Too bad he did not stay around long enough to see him rise again. Oh, how delightful it was to see him hanging on that tree in the potter's field. Both Discord and Discouragement begin to laugh.

Discouragement whispers you will never be accepted in the church because you are a dreadful individual, you can never return. The church wants nothing more than to see you leave and never come back, you were such an embarrassment to them. Your parents were so disappointed in you they died from the heartache you created; you embarrassed and disgraced them in front of their friends. You were raised in church, how could you walk away and turn your back on your Pastor, the man that took you and your parents in. He gave you a place to stay until your parents were able to get their own.

As I thought on my dilemma with my past mistakes, I cried out to God. I thought it would be easier coming back to church especially after leaving the cesspool of the world. It wasn't long my friend the Lord Jesus Christ spoke to me and let me know the devil was attacking me and to not give in, his sole purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy and that satan will stop at nothing to reclaim what was once his. He also has many agents in the church that he uses to bring down the saints, some do not even realize they are being influenced by the devil. After Jesus spoke to me, I began to pray again. I asked him how much more must I endure until I have victory over my past mistakes. Jesus said son trust me my blood has covered your past you no longer have to worry about it. The devil will try to use it against you when he does just point him to the cross resist the devil and he will flee. He no longer has the power over you I broke the chains he had you bound with. I will not allow more than you can handle I am by your side when you feel like no one else is. I will never leave nor forsake you trust me with all your heart, and I will deliver. Wow not only is he my Lord and savior he called me son. I have a heavenly father that watches out for me.