7 am.
I wake up to an empty bed. I sit up, with the sheets covering my chest.
I hear rustling in the closet, and Matty walks out, shirtless.
The holes of his jeans bare his knees that are specked with old bruises.
His shoes, showing wear and travel, shift and make the floor of his room creak.
"You're up," his goofy smile enchants me and I laugh.
"It would seem so."
"You sure you wanna go to uni today?" He whines.
"Yes, I am not about to wish away my dreams for you, Matty."
"I'm hurt, really!!" He says as he sprawls on the empty side of the linen lined bed.
He stares up at the ceiling, his breaths soft, even.
The small, tight curl of his mouth ceases to exist as he closes his molten chocolate eyes. They cease to exist as well.
I lay there next to him, grinning.
He turns to me, the creases beginning to appear as he starts to grin along with me.
"What?" He softly croaks.
I chuckle and hide my face, so that he won't see how happy I am to be here, in this very moment. I peek at him, removing my fingers away from my eyes so that just a slit opens to view.
He's still staring at me.
"Nothing..." I say, muffled.
//
I'm up for uni. I walk the brisk streets of Manchester. The warm, clammy air comforts me as I look around to see the familiar faces, gray light posts, edged cafes, screaming billboards--music fills my head to match the sights, like synesthesia fills a person's mind with colors to match every oak tree and voice and noise and....Coffee in hand, books in my bag, I'm ready to start the terrible yet exciting trail that leads me to my ultimate destiny; not towards Matty...for my career.
Astrophysics is my dream. Not Matty. No.
I can't think straight today.
//
*play falling for you for the full effect*
"You see that?" I whisper. Matty and I had driven to the countryside before he had to leave for another set of venues.
"Da-lin, all I see is a bunch of stars twinkling, winking at you,"
I can barely make out his face. His lanky body is laying next to mine, trying to find its full expanse on a sprawling wool blanket.
A cold chill rips across us.
We're both shivering.
His hands tremble as he brings up a cigarette up to his mouth.
"They are alive, Matthew," I turn my head to see him light up his addictive reaper.
"You're mental.." He strains to say.
"Well they're dying, slowly. But they're still so alive..." I tried to catch my breath. My passion and the chill of the night are hand in hand.
A couple minutes pass, and all I hear is the shallow breathing in between his puffs of smoke.
"Tell me," he groans, "tell me what you're thinking in this very moment, what you feel, what you believe."
"Mat-"
"Do it, c'mon, I want to remember what you say right now so that when I'm alone later I can think about it, ponder upon you."
I close my eyes, and breathe. His voice voice is laced with gold and smoke.
"Breathe. I am only one person, only deserving of one breath. The gaseous, opaque, spinning spheres of fire, dust, carbon, hydrogen, violent bursts of exploding particles of light... They're so quiet from down here. I close my eyes and I swear, I just swear I can feel them quiver from above. I can feel their star stuff radiating and falling all over my inviting body, it is definitely surreal. I don't believe they know how utterly attractive and gracious they are to me for exposing themselves in the night like this, for undeserving eyes like mine."
Silence.
He's staring at me.
His eyes are so dark, unforgiving. He blows his smoke in my face.
"You're falling, you know that, right?"
"I know," my eyes sting, I start to cough.. I don't want to fall in him. He's too dark, too caved that I can't escape, and he knows that.
"Please don't..."
I hold on my words. Okay. I won't.
Silence.
"That was, ehm, an insightful observation, ehm-ah...Marcel--Mar...you're just as explosive as them."
My head is pounding with thoughts of the night. "So are you.."
"No, love..you see, I'm one of those terrible rocks that burn out as they shoot across the sky, the ones that you make wishes on when you know they'll never come true."
"Yes, you are, aren't you.." He really is.
I hear the sizzle of his cigarette as he takes another long drag.
Matty puts his hands on my young face as he cleared his already raspy throat.
"I'm the only one allowed to fall for you, alright?" He's porcelain, archaic. He has no real expression. He's a comet, unable to grant wishes of his own dispute and others.
"Alright,"
Then and there. He kisses me. Hard. I can't breathe.
He brings me closer, and I hold his strained neck in my hand, the other resting on his wearied shoulder.
He holds onto my hip, as we lay there on the green, seemingly black grass. Our heartbeats echo through the small space in between our mouths. We can taste the thumping of their symphony.
He's incredibly rough, but his hands, his being, is so fragile to me.
I'm not going to fall. I'm not. Oh god..
The stars continue to scatter their dusty light around us as we profoundly envelop ourselves in our attempts to never fall into one another's passions.
//
