NIGHT CONFESSIONS

LOVE AND PAIN ARE DRUGS

I yearned for love,
and affections;
my heart clenches in envy upon seeing others
with their beloved—so content, so loved
my heart clenches in disgust upon the sight of affection and thoughts of love.

Tell me, what is wrong with me?
I want to be loved
but I want to feel blue,
drunk in the sadness,
drowning in a sea abundant in sadness
and the absence of felicity.

Tell me, is love great?
I yearned for the felicity of being in love
and to be loved by the significant other,
just like everyone else;
smiles etched on their faces
my heart stirs in envy.

I kept drowning in thoughts of past memories— unwanted echoes from another time.
why does it—whatever we shared— died in the end?

Oh, dear.
I longed for love and affections
but in the end,
my shattered heart and dreams was the reminder of the pain that was left behind as a result—
a scar so big and deep it seems to forever be etched on this weeping, scarred heart.
And before I knew it,
I stayed up late at night
making up heartbreaking scenarios,
all for the pain it was sure to bring
to this shattered heart of mine

An addiction to the heartache— am I alright?
I kept on breaking my heart like this,
wasting mineral salts and dehydrating me of water with this unwanted(or maybe i just wanted to shed) tears.

So tell me, is love real?
Because I sure think it's love I felt back then.