ALL THESE UGLY INSECURITIES

3 0 0

by hiqqywho

by hiqqywho

I could feel it
the palpitations,
the sweat building up,
shallow breaths,
and tear stained cheeks— my pillows too.

Insecurities are crawling on my skin.
It wasn't good to overthink
but I couldn't help it.
I don't feel beautiful (everyone around me is and it makes me insecured),
I don't feel like I am enough (I could tell they are disappointed),
and I don't feel confident anymore.
(these so called friends are to be blamed)
It feels like I am claustrophobic;
everyone around me seems to crowd
despite the big space and how spread out everyone is in the room.

Exaustion is settling in,
eyes heavy but the demons in my head is keeping me awake—
it's nothing new.
(I even slept anywhere nowadays, be it in the lecture theatre or the study rooms of the college buildings)

But I am envious, though.
Of everyone and everything.
.

Author's note:
Thank fucking god the first semester has ended. I'm tired of pretending to be fine. I don't think I could handle being in a room full of familiar faces but untrustable people. I'm fucking scared.