Where's a brother when you need one?

I am diagnosed with Cleithrophobia

I should have really mentioned it sooner but I think . . . I'm embarrassed by it. More importantly it's embarrassing how I act. You see, Cleithrophobia is the fear of being trapped as my brother, Maverick said. Or rather yelled at my dad.

I don't know what caused it but as far as I know I had had for my whole life. Never fully closing the door or at least not locking it so I know that I have a way to get out or 'escape' if you will. That's what my shrink says anyway. She told me that my triggers may include locked doors, group hugs maybe? Being trapped inside something whether it be an elevator or a cupboard. Though those last two are rare because I know I can get out, if they aren't locked then I am relatively ok in tight spaces.

Actually being blocked from coming out of a cupboard is how I discovered my fear. It happened when me and my nine older brothers were playing a game of hide and seek. I was about 5 and I was on a team with my 11 now 22 year old brother, Harvey. We were hiding in dad's room when we heard Mav and Jett come down the hallway (they're the seekers). Harvey has an amazing idea and stuffed us both into the cupboard, me in a little ball on his lap.

I could still remember it clearly because I started to breathe heavily. Harvey has been shushing me but realised I was actually having a panic attack so he went to open it but realised it wouldn't budge. We heard snickering and found out that our eldest two brothers is blocking the door. Harvey started to yell and bash the door at them to open up but they wouldn't listen. I had also been bashing the door but now crying, chest hurting and breathing shallow and quick. Two minutes later and I couldn't help but scream at them and hysterically cry and they hurriedly let me out. (My eyes water at the memory).

Dad, I remember being furious at the two older boys before taking me outside to the park. Three incidents later involving the locked janitor's closet at 9 (I had bruises for days on my side for trying to barge at the door), another in my locker (I was in there for an hour before they found me though I was screaming my head off) at 10 and finally when I accidentally locked myself in the living room and climbed myself out of the chimney (neighbours caught me and told dad) on my 12th birthday.

Dad finally took me to get a diagnostic and found out I have Cleithrophobia. Wonderful. My shrink, Mrs Cliff told me that sometimes writing down my life would help calm me down so here I am finally doing it. At first I protested because I absolutely hated writing but I love reading and drawing. But this summer, especially with what is going on with my life I better start now.

I have a lot to write about.