alternate eulogy - oneshot

she was my friend

i straighten my tie for what would be the 100th time today, as i look in the mirror, expecting Hannah to be behind me, but she isn't...maybe that talk on the bench was our very last?

"Clay, we have to go" Tony tells me as he opens the door

"One second" I say to him, smiling as best I can before taking Hannah's sunflower clip out of my drawer and putting it into my pocket, out of sight, I needed a little bit of something to remind me of her. I glance at the tapes, what started it all.

the drive there was eerily quiet, it's like the town had been put under a spell, we were to all remember Hannah Baker that day. But I didn't need a spell for that. Because I couldn't stop thinking about her.

we arrived with ten minutes to spare, all of us walking in together, me, Tony, and the other reasons. the atmosphere as you can imagine is painful to see, Olivia Baker is crying on her husbands shoulder, and tony immediately goes over to them, like their guardian angel, or something?

I take a seat, and look at the photo that has been chosen, she's smiling, that gorgeous, maddening, smile. It immediately lifts the mood, or maybe it was always lifted.

we rise as the coffin is brought in, and I instantly recognise the song from the first chords

It's the remix of love is in the air..from Strictly Ballroom.

love is in the air, everywhere I look around

love is in the air, every sight and every sound

i close my eyes to take it all in, and the visions of the night me and Hannah first watched the movie, come to my mind like a flash of light

i miss her..

Everyone is told to take a seat and so we do, the funeral conductor starting to talk about Hannah as if he knew her, i kind of expected that. but to my surprise, he gets most of it right.

"Hannah Baker, was a strong, loving, and kind young woman, who was a friend to everyone, standing up for people while fighting her own battles, and now, as we lay her to rest, we remember her smile, and her kind nature"

"and now her mother Olivia Baker, is going to deliver a eulogy"

Her mom looks at me, her eyes full of pain, and confusion, she still wants to know why. As she takes the stand, she pulls a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket, and begins to read.

Hannah, was the daughter I always wanted, she was kind, she was helpful, and she was the most loving person you could ever want to meet. She had the most beautiful smile as you can see, and she was never afraid to voice her opinion or her feelings...I just wish she had felt she could do that now. And she never did anything for herself, instead she always thought of others. She made me smile and laugh but most of all, she made me proud, I was proud to tell people about her, and I wish she had known that. She was like unlike anyone you will meet, she made mistakes yes, but she was mine, she was my Hannah, and she had dreams, that sadly will now never come true. *But I ask you, to chase your dreams. And don't ever let them go. Hannah, was my dream. Please, dream for Hannah. Thank you"

She looks at us all before heading back to her seat, I'm in awe of her speech, it was beautiful, and I'm sure Hannah would be proud.

"Lovely, Mrs Baker. Thank you. And now, Hannah's friend, Clay Jensen, is going to say a few words"

Here we go...I arise slowly from my seat, making my way to the front, shaking like a leaf, if I mess this up that's it. There is so much pressure. Or maybe there isn't and I'm just inflicting that on myself.

I begin to speak, but my throat is dry, and instead, tears well into my eyes, but it's when I see the door open, it's when I see her enter, in a beautiful black dress wearing her smile like a ribbon, that I feel the courage to do this.

"i don't quite know how to start today. how do i sum up years of memories, in one speech? How do I shorten the feelings? The love? well i guess I'll start by saying, that Hannah Baker was a kind, smart, and beautiful person, with such a big heart. Who loved everyone so much. a lot of people would say that nobody's perfect. Well she was.

She was maddening, in the best way, her smile would brighten your day no matter how bad it was, we spent a lot of time together, me and Hannah. i loved her, but it wasn't just a silly crush, I had feelings for her that I'll never feel again. I'll never love like that again. I was so, entranced and mesmerised by her beauty.

There's nobody like Hannah baker. She will never be replaced. And though I try to forget the pain, I see her, in the busy streets that line the outside of the crestmont, in the leaves that fall so gracefully from the trees that are blooming. And in the stars, that glimmer so effortlessly in the midnight skies.

I hear her, in the slight patter of the autumn rain, in the thunderous roar of the skies when the thunder descends, and in the song, the night we met, which we danced to, so in love, so captured in our feelings. She was like a photograph, you can take a photo and pause that moment forever, when you look back at it, it's happy memories you feel...Hannah Baker is my photograph, and I will never forget her.

And to you, my beautiful, brave, fallen friend and incidentally the love of my life, I know you may never hear the words I say today. But I hope you know that I love you, and I will do so forever, no matter what happens. You will always be my person. *And I hope that wherever you go next, you feel at peace, you feel safe, in a way you never did here.

I love you, and I'll love you forever. Goodbye, Hannah Baker"

i look at her and she mouths the words "i love you, helmet" before standing, turning around and walking towards the door, she looks back at me one last time, smiling, before pushing the door open, a bright light surrounding her as she walks away, to her haven of peace.

* = marks lines used in the original 13 reasons why Season 2 Episode 13 pls don't report me for copyright :(