"If I was a sculptor, but then again, no." – Elton john
TW: mentions of self harm and suicide
Dear jack,
If I was a sculptor, I would carve us together. In marble, white and pure. Id carve us together and then no one would be able to break us apart. We could be together forever. In sickness, and in health. Through the bad times and the good. After that, people normally say you may now kiss the groom, don't they? Funny. Funny that someone as worthless as me could even dream of you loving me.
I've decided, no one gives a damn. No one gives a flying fuck about me. no, everyone's too self-absorbed to care about little old me with my problems. You can say, I care, Davey cares, Race, Albert, Specs care. Well, if they cared why haven't they noticed the lines on my wrist? Why haven't they awoken to me crying myself to sleep at night? Why haven't they heard me sneaking out to look at the sky and the stars like we did, just to feel part of something. Jesus Christ jack, for an "observant artist" you're really dumb sometimes.
So, I'm laying it all on the table. One last hurrah. I hope to god you never find this, its never going to be laid out, folded up with your name on it. I hope things will get better, but deep down I know that they won't. I've got a few months at best. Then I will be known as the cripple who was just as weak inside as he was out.
Amazing, the finality of writing this letter. I wonder if this is what it feels like to confess your feelings to the people that you love.
I don't blame you. you've got Katherine. She, who will always surpass us all. The pretty journalist who is surviving off daddy's money.
The only people I am truly sorry to is the people in heaven. They're the ones that have to deal with me now.
Your friend, your best friend, your brother,
Crutchie
i cried a lil bit writing this
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