grieve // l.h.

before// 0.4 // - new friends??

 0.3 // Before // 

*Same day* (September 21st, 2014)

3:00 pm 

     The first thing that went through my mind was 'go.' Maybe making new friends could be a good thing? And it wasn't like I was going to wait five months for Kristen to come back to be able to speak to other people. Might as well just start speaking now. 

"Hi," Safia said, when I walked over and was now standing in front of the three bean bags. "I don't think you've properly met this guy over here?" She pointed at Michael, "He's Michael. He's really weird, and his hair is going to fall out probably this year or next year." 

Michael rolled his eyes and ignored her. 

"Hi," he grinned, "What's your name?"

"Ella," I mumbled.

"Bella?" Luke asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ella," I repeated.

"I think she said Bella," Luke said, looking at Michael. 

"Stop being annoying, Luke," Safia said, and then turned to me, "Did I forget to mention that Luke thinks he's actually funny when he's really not?" 

Hearing that made me laugh, and I didn't even know why.

"Are you here for your school hours?" Michael asked, but I shook my head.

"No. I help out at the library for my hours. I'm just going to be here for five months, and then Kristen's going to be back." 

   "Hasn't she ever mentioned us?" Michael asked, frowning. 

"I guess she forgot," I replied, shrugging. 

+.+

     2 hours later, Luke, Michael, Safia and I were friends. Well, I wasn't even sure if Luke was my friend because he seemed like he was done with my shit everytime I spoke. 

But Michael and Safia were pretty cool and didn't care that I spoke too much. 

10 minutes later, a blonde girl, 13 years old with green eyes, walked over to me and asked me if I had some time to spare. Obviously I said yes, because I wasn't volunteering for nothing and plus I've been talking for two hours - without Declean noticing - and I wasn't going to push my luck.

The girl refused to stay in the coffee shop, so she grabbed her jacket and waited for me outside. I joined her shortly after she left, and we both sat down on the edge of a sidewalk.

"So...what's up?" I asked.

"I want to talk about something terrible that I did because I need help. That's why I'm even at this discussion group - to get help. But, I don't wanna talk to Declean about it."

"That's cool," I replied, "You can talk to me."

 "But, please don't tell my parents. I don't want them knowing, and that's why I'm not telling Declean. Because I know he'll try to contact them."

"I won't tell a soul until you give me permission," I promised. 

"It happened over the summer. One month ago. I was with my friends. We were hanging around Thompson park, and a few guys my friends, Aubrey and Janelle, invited brought some drinks and cigarettes and weed and stuff like that. They offered me a smoke and I said no. They offered me vodka and beer but I said no and they forced me. I was wasted. I had about six drinks and then they offered me weed, and being the wasted person I was, I accepted it. I got so stoned, that I don't think I even moved for a whole minute. Then, Danny, a boy that was there, pulled out a gun and said we were going to play spin the gun. Like spin the bottle, only with a gun. I was so stoned, and wasted that I agreed. If I was sober, I would've ran away because what thirteen year old boy pulls out a gun and declares a game of 'spin the gun'?? Anyways, Danny is pretty scary and I don't know why Aubrey and Janelle even invited him. However, we were all wasted, and we played spin the gun. I didn't think any bullets were in the gun, so when the gun landed on Janelle, I picked it up. Danny kept saying that I had to makeout with Janelle because it landed on her. I told him straight up no. So, he gave me a dare. He dared me to point the gun at Janelle's head, and pull the trigger. He was really wasted. Like I said, I thought he was just joking - and that there wasn't going to be any bullets in the gun, so I pointed it at her head, while she was giggling - because she was wasted as well - and I...I pulled the trigger. She died right there. Everyone was in shock and I got scared, and I was so angry that Danny made me do that, so I shot him. I killed my bestfriend and another human being. Aubrey made everyone swear to not speak of it. Everyone swore, and left. We all left Janelle and Danny there. The cops showed up and obviously questioned all of us because Janelle's mom knew we were with her last, but nobody spoke that it was me that shot Janelle by an accident, and shot Danny on purpose."

When she finished, I was not sure if I stopped breathing or not. This was messed up. A thirteen year old pulling out a gun.

"Where did he get the gun?" I asked, my voice weak. 

"I remember Aubrey telling me that he stole it from his dad's drawer - his dad is a policemen - while we were running away..."

I sighed, not knowing what to say. The guy's dad was a policemen and couldn't even find his thirteen year old son's killer.

"To be honest," I said, "I think you should tell the police what happened. Maybe you'll get some peace? I don't think they'll put you in jail because you're young, but there will be some type of punishment. You killed two people, and smoked, and drank, and then ran away without telling an adult or anybody else. If you tell the police, you'll be at peace, I promise. I think you're not over this because of guilt. You're guilty that you chose to hang out with the wrong crowd, and you're guilty that you killed two people but sweetie, even though it was an accident, humanity is still out there. Turn yourself in."

"I shouldn't have said anything. I had a feeling you'd tell me to tell an adult or somebody. I can't, okay? I'm a killer, and I don't want to go to jail because I'm selfish and I have a life."

"And you ended two," I whispered.

I could see tears in her eyes and I hugged her.

"Think about it, hun," I said, "If you want, I'll go with you. But please, get this guilt out of you and tell the truth."

She hugged me tighter, and we stayed there for three minutes. Her crying, and me being silent, and feeling the tears coming because I didn't like seeing other people cry.

When she stopped, she let go, and smiled, another tear sliding down her chek.

"Can you come with me?" she asked, "I'll let you know when I'm ready to speak next week."

"Of course," I replied. "What's your name?"

"Sherry," she said, wiping away another tear, "And you are?"

"Ella."

+.+

   idk how i feel about the ending lmao i feel like this could be an ending in a new james bond movie????  like someone will be like "what's your name again?" and then he'll be like "james. james bond" and then the movie would end aha 

this isn't edited so please ignore the mistakes, i'll fix them up when i'm not drowning in homework