grieve // l.h.

before// 0.3 // - delena

 0.3 // Before // 

September 21st, 2014

7:00 am 

     "I'm going to hand out pieces of paper, and you're all going to write one word that depresses you. And then underneath that, you're going to write one word that makes you happy. For example, in my case, my first word would be shows, because sometimes television shows depress the hell out of me with all the drama and deaths and my otp never uniting. And underneath that, in my case, I would write family, because my family brings joy to my heart." When Declan finished explaining the task, he went around handing out paper to everybody, and when that was done, he gave a piece to me.

"I'm good," I said, refusing to take the paper.

"Everybody has to participate, Ella," he replied, shoving it into my face so that I would take it.

I did take it. Not because I wanted to, but because if I didn't, all I'd see for the rest of the day was paper getting pushed into my face.

I walked over to the couch, far away from everybody, and picked up a pencil that I found on the ground. I literally find everything on the ground here. 

I sighed, because I didn't really know what made me depressed. I wasn't even sure if I could officially label myself as a person that's depressed because I smile, and I laugh at jokes, but I'm not happy just in general, and I'm not happy with myself. I finally settled with:

Delena 
Bands,

just because my otp from my favorite show The Vampire Diaries is Delena, and they're making me depressed right now because Elena decided it'd be fun to get Alaric to compel her to forget her 'not really gone, just on the other side', boyfriend, Damon. And then sexy Damon finds his way back, but oh wait, his girlfriend doesn't remember him.

And on the bottom I wrote Bands because Bands were a little source of happiness for me. 

   Declan came around to pick up the pieces of paper, and then he went at the front and put them into this weird looking box.

"Every Sunday, when we meet up, we'll begin the day by picking a piece of paper out and reading what an anonymous person has said makes them depressed, and makes them happy, until all the pieces of paper are gone. If you wrote your name on your paper, don't worry, I won't let anyone know you wrote it." And then he smiled, and walked into the playroom to check up on the other kids. The door opened and a girl and boy walked in. 

The girl was really pretty, and I admit, I felt so insecure right now. She had blonde hair, but it was lighter than regular blondes, and her eyes were green. Her skin was glowing - and she wasn't even wearing makeup. 

The boy was just plain hot. His hair was sexy, his face was sexy and his lip ring was sexy. He had beautiful blue eyes, and damn, he was tall. 

   When Declan returned, his face lit up and he walked over to the boy and the girl, who were still standing by the door. Then, he looked at me, and motioned for me to go over. I walked over to them, slowly, because I didn't wanna accidentally trip and faceplant and embarrass myself. 

"Ella, meet Luke and Safia. Luke and Safia, meet our new spicy watermelon volunteer, Ella. She's pretty shy, so give her some time to adjust to your craziness." And then Declan left to start another discussion, while I just stood there awkwardly.

Safia was the first to speak.

"Hi," she said, "I'm Safia, but you already knew that. I am sixteen and I just volunteer here for my school hours."

The boy, Luke, didn't say anything. In fact, he just stared, and then walked right past me. 

"That's Luke, but you already knew that. Michael and I call him Lucas sometimes, even though that's really not his name. Luke can be sweet sometimes, but he can also be a rude asshole, so if you want a friend, I'd suggest you hang out with Michael and I instead." 

Thanks but if I can't even handle one person as my friend, I don't think I'd be able to handle two more. 

+.+

     Luke, Safia and Michael were sitting on different colored bean bags in a little circle talking to each other while I was just pressed against the wall, eyes open, and waiting for somebody to ask me for advice or ways to help them. Declan was still going on with his discussion, a new one, about saying no to doing illegal things. Kim obviously had to join the other kids in the playroom because she wasn't at that age to be doing illegal things.

I sort of felt lonely. My only friend - wait, the only person I actually talk to for more than 4 minutes - has gone on a vacation to Chicago. Who the hell was I suppose to talk to now? 

   I wasn't shy...just really bad at making friends.

And then Safia and Michael waved at me to come over. 

+.+

   wow this chapter was terrible and sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes