Transformers: Beginnings

Par 13: Splice and Dice

The next morning Megatron has a delightful surprise for his favorite "son" Splicer.

Megatron: "Splicer, I have good news for you. Soundwave has built a special comm link for you, and your brother is at the other end of the line."

Splicer: (beyond excited) "Really!?"

Megatron: "Yes, he's been anxious to speak to you for quite some time."

"Hello little brother."

"Knockout! I've missed you so much!"

"I've missed you too. How's the big war treating you?"

"It's so wonderful, they got some sleek looking automobiles here."

(interested) "Sleek automobiles? Sign me up!"

"So how's life up in casa de Shockwave?"

"Boring would be an understatement, and those two aren't the social type either. Don't even get me started on the useless projects I have to work on. Project Terrorcon, what the heck is that? All I know is that it ruins my finish!"

"Well I guess that does bite. To think we started out as nothing but street rats, and now I'm the face of the Decepticons, and you are the Decepticon's top medic. We earned it."

"I guess you're right, you need to show me these automobiles some time."

"Will do big brother, I love you."

"Love you too."

Splicer: "Alright Megatron whatever you need you got it."

Megatron: "You are going to be abducting a human for us, that way Optimus Prime will be forced to do whatever we want."

Splicer: "Who did you have in mind?"

Megatron: "There is a human girl that hangs around the Autobots, steal her."

Splicer: "You got it, but I can I have a little team to help me?"

Megatron: (surprised) "I never thought you would ever ask for assistance Splicer."

Splicer: (shyly) "Well its not that...I kinda promised them to go with me next time."

Megatron: "And who may I ask is that?"

Splicer: "Rumble and Frenzy, and maybe Ravage and Laserbeak can tag along too."

Megatron: "Very well then, and make fools of the Autobots like you always do."

Splicer: "Foolishness is our specialty."

Starscream and Brimstone walk in with Dropkick. Starscream begins his usual schtick of questioning Megatron's plan.

Scream: "Now why would you go for a heavily guarded human? This plan makes zero sense of anyone to attempt it."

Megatron: "If anyone can accomplish this mission, it would be Splicer."

Scream: "Regardless of his effectiveness it still makes it a rather meaningless mission."

Dropkick: "Starscream is questioning Megatron again, stop the presses!"

Megatron: "This proves yet again why I'm in charge and not you Starscream."

Scream: (boldly) "Then explain to me Megatron, why would you go after that particular human when you could nab any human. It would still have the same effect on Prime because of his pathetic moral code."

Megatron: "You're right Starscream, it would."

Brim: (puzzled) "Care to run that by us again?"

Megatron: "While Starscream may have a point about Optimus having the same reaction towards any human, I want to make this personal. With taking someone he knows away from him we not only have him at our fingertips, but also more damage to add to his conscience if something were to happen to that poor fleshling of his."

Skywarp: "Brilliant plan master."

Scream: "Suck up."

Thunder: "At least he ain't ugly like you!"

Megatron: "I must now go over my plans with Soundwave, he has a special mission of his own to do."

As Megatron, Skywarp, and Thundercracker all leave for the main hall, Starscream has a chat with Brimstone and Dropkick about their current status.

"Brim: "As much as I dislike the guy he does have a point."

Scream: "Of course you take his side."

Brim: "Unlike you I see the bigger picture, it's a good plan."

Scream: "Forgive me for not liking so many complications."

Brim: "That's your problem, you think everything is so black and white, and that's why you are a failure."

Scream: "At least I was once in a highly respected line of work, you are just a disgrace in every sense of the word."

Brim: "Call me what you want, I care not. I don't know what you yearn more from Megatron, his job...or his approval."

Scream: "I will never want his approval.'

Brim: "Keep telling yourself that."

Dropkick: "I think you ladies are forgetting the bigger picture. In a few days we are going to fight the Autobots for the last time. I'm ready for this."

Brim (dreamily) "I want to feels my blades to peel the flesh from those organics so slowly... one strip at a time."

Scream: "What a colorful insight you have you insane monster."

Brim: "You have no passion Starscream. Murder is what makes my circuits feel so...(pervertedly) aroused."

Scream: "I see, but surely you realize there is more to life than death?"

Brim: "Vulgar lies and illusion my friend. Death is what awaits every weak and putrid soul. I will cut and dig into their bodies and display them on my wall. Maybe after the war is over I'll play with Prime's body like a puppet show."

Scream: "You are repulsive."

Brim: "Thank you."

Scream: "Are you ready Dropkick?"

Dropkick: "Yes, last time I barely did damage to Longarm. Now I will shoot as many holes in him as I can until I finish the job."

Back at the base the Autobots are preparing to leave with Spike and Carly, but not before Ron talks to his son about the future.

Ron: "Well son I never would have guessed we would ever have to lock your mother in the looney bin I'm sure she'll be fine once she gets released."

Spike: "I sure hope so."

Carly: "Why exactly do we need all this security again?"

Prowl: "Because last time you went alone you were attacked and one of us died, remember now?"

Carly: "Oh...right,"

Side: "Want to ride in style Carly?"

Carly: "I'd love to!"

Spike: "What about riding with me and Bumblebee?"

Carly: "We aren't a pair, I need a lot of persuasion before I even consider that. I'm not some Misha Miramond who just goes with whatever guy she sees, but nice try."

Chip: "Better luck next time bro."

Wheel: "Your best chances would be if the Decepticons kidnapped her and you somehow saved her, but what are the odds of that?"

Jazz: (irked) "Are you for real?"

Wheel: "What?"

Jazz: "You know what happens when you say that, take it back!"

Wheel: "It's not going to happen."

Jazz: "If it does I'm getting Cliffjumper to smack you in the back of the head."

Bumblebee, Longarm, Prowl, Sideswipe, Spike, and Carly all leave so Carly can go on a shopping spree. When she leaves the store they all speed off to the freeway, but before they get there Bumblebee hits a speed bump, and Spikes special surprise gets out.

Spike: "My condoms, no!"

Carly: "Excuse me?"

Spike: (deflecting) "Um nothing, nothing at all!"

Carly: "I can't believe you!"

Spike: "It was my dad, he made me do it!"

Carly: "Uh huh, sure."

Prowl: "Both of you shut up. We need to turn now."

Bee: "Why?"

Prowl: "Just do it."

Everyone takes a detour as Prowl continues to get more weird.

Prowl: "We need to get to the freeway."

Longarm: "Care to explain yourself prowl."

Prowl: "I think we're being followed."

Side: "How do you know?

Prowl: "There's been a red car that's been tailing us, see for yourself. "

Sure enough as they reach the freeway a red Honda Civic comes on, and starts to accelerate towards them.

Side: "Do we know any red Decepticons?

Prowl: "Frenzy."

Bee: "Well there's four of us and only one of him, so we can take him."

Prowl: "Flawless thinking, but if Frenzy is around then surely his brother will be..."

As Prowl says this we are now introduced to Rumble's ground form. It's a pyramid shaped Cybertronian car that's dark blue and has a red visor at the square end of the car. It speeds next to Frenzy, and the Autobot's situation worsens when they see Laserbeak soaring up ahead and Ravage sprinting past cars.

Longarm: "It's never that simple is it?"

Prowl: "Sideswipe, it's time for stealth force."

Sideswipe reveals his stealth force mode. It's a hybrid of his vehicle mode covered with upgrades and weapons. One of which includes a machine gun that Carly can fire.

Side: "Shoot the jaguar Carly!"

Sideswipe and Carly fire at Ravage, who fires back by blowing up their missiles and leaping over cars to avoid damage. His luck runs out when Sideswipe hits him with a missile, which causes him to crash on a car, and is knocked out.

Bumblebee transforms to combat Laserbeak and shoots him with his missiles, but not before shooting a bunch of cars that explode, causing the Autobots to get their escape route blocked. Laserbeak retreats from his injuries and spectates the rest of the fight on a nearby building. Now it's Rumble and Frenzy's turn as they approach the Autobots and tackle Prowl and Bumblebee respectively. Prowl quickly shakes off Frenzy and delivers a roundhouse kick to the face. Longarm joins in and shoots him with his weapons. Prowl shoots him with his pistols, and Rumble shoots Prowl in the back.

Rumble: "Get off my bro ugly!"

Prowl: "Alright Rumble, lets dance."

Longarm: "Need a hand Prowl?"

Prowl: "It's just Rumble, I can take him."

Rumble: "I resemble that remark!"

Prowl: "Go help Bumblebee and Sideswipe with Frenzy."

Longarm: "On it."

While Longarm helps fight Frenzy, Rumble and Prowl start their own fight. Rumble charges at Prowl only to be tripped up by the Autobot. He scrambles to his feet and tries to punch him several times, but Prowl dodges each attack easily and adds insult to injury by having both hands behind his back. Prowl eventually gets bored and delivers a fast right jab to the face and knees him in the stomach. Then he picks up Rumble and throws him into an abandoned car. Prowl runs to Rumble to deal the finishing blow, but fails to notice that Rumble deploys one of his piledrivers to swat him away, knocking him into Sideswipe. Rumble leaps into the air and interrupts the other fights by giving a diving punch to Bumblebee, knocking him to the ground, and helps Frenzy by shooting Longarm up like target practice. The two do a fist bump to celebrate their temporary success.

Frenzy: "Nice work Rumble!"

Rumble: "I couldn't have done it without you Frenzy."

Frenzy: "You're too kind."

The Autobots get up and prepare to fight the twins again.

Prowl: "Not bad Rumble, you've improved since Cybertron."

Frenzy: "Better be Careful Prowl, or he might kick your tailpipe again."

Prowl: "Very unlikely, I underestimated you last time, and I won't anymore."

Longarm: "You did well half-pint."

Frenzy: "Care to run that by me again?"

Longarm: "You heard me."

Frenzy: "There are only 2 things I hate in this world, Autobots, and people in insult my size."

Longarm: "Then do something about it."

Frenzy attempts to show Longarm up, but the experienced Autobots makes short work of him by taking out his beam sword on his gun and slicing him across the chest. He then knocks Frenzy out by clapping his hands on his head, and throwing him face first on a car window. Rumble takes on the remaining Autobots and gets the tar beat out of him. He manages to kick Sideswipe down, but gets knocked out by a backflip kick from Prowl.

Longarm: (dusting his hands) "Now that's how you do it boys, you two can learn a thing or two about that."

Prowl: "I weakened him for you."

Longarm: "Yeah sure, let's go with that."

Spike: "Can we go now?"

Bee: "Yeah this is too intense for us."

Longarm: "Agreed, let's get out of here before-"

Just as Longarm says this he is shot in the chest by an unknown assailant. Sideswipe yells out in terror as he believes his friend is dead. But Longarm is a strong willed Autobot, and the chest armor helps too.

Bee: "Are you alright?"

Longarm: "Yeah, just an armor wound."

Side: "Who hit you?"

Longarm: "I don't know, but... do you you hear that?"

Prowl: "Is that beeping?

Side: "But where?"

As they try to figure out the source of the noise, it begins to increase at a more rapid rate. It isn't long before Longarm realizes that it is coming from the bullet that hit struck him He tries to pull it out, but it explodes and sends him flying across the road while bouncing like a ball. Then they begin to hear in the distance the sound of an engine.

Prowl: (dreading) "I know that sound anywhere."

Bee: (terrified) "Please don't be-"

Side: (mortified) "Sweet Primus save us!"

In the distance they see a vehicle that puts the Batmobile to shame. A sleek and jet black car with spikes on the spokes of the wheels and spikes on the back of the car. The cockpit is bright blood red in a v shaped angle from left to right. The very front is a very thin point like the tip of a triangle, and its speed is legendary as it zooms past other cars as if they weren't moving. Splicer transforms and begins running on the freeway, does an air somersault, and lands right in front of the rest of the Autobots while sticking a perfect landing. A car in the background explodes from the sheer awesomeness that is Splicer.

Splicer: (waving) "Hey guys, how's it been?"

Prowl: "Swell."

Bee: "I think I just leaked myself."

Prowl: "Keep it together Bumblebee. What do you want Splicer?"

Splicer: "I was ordered to fight you."

Prowl: "That's it?"

Splicer: "....Yes."

Longarm: "So what did you hit me with?"

Splicer: "Oh that, it's just a sniper rifle that Skywarp gave me, and it has grenades inside the bullets, isn't that awesome?"

Longarm: (sarcastically) "Especially since you hit me with it."

Splicer: "Yeah sorry about that. I chose to hit you because I knew you would walk it off, and I didn't think the others would."

Prowl: "You should leave with you friends before we have to hurt you."

Splicer: "I would, but orders are orders. You know all about that don't you Prowl? So let's get this party started, but first I want to show you a new trick I learned."

Splicer holds both of his arms up, and his arm and shoulder blades begin to raise up from his arms, and the elbow blades begin to spin like a helicopter blade. He then waves his arms in circular motion that slice up the road, taking huge chunks out of it in the process.

Splicer: "Neat huh? Now let's battle!"

Prowl: "Kids, stay hidden, it's about to get messy. Autobots, attack Splicer!"

Prowl is the first to go into battle with Splicer, and he quickly proves that all the stories of being virtually unstoppable are all true. Prowl tries hand to hand combat with the Decepticon, but he parries all of his punches with his fists and counters with a knee to the face. He then does a few lightning fast punches to Prowl's face before throwing him into a support beam. Longarm tries to sneak up behind him, and Splicer activates his elbow blade to stab him in the chest, knocking him down. Bumblebee and Sideswipe are shocked at this.

Splicer: "Relax, he has that chest armor remember?"

Side: "Oh yeah, I keep forgetting."

Bumblebee and Sideswipe try to double team Splicer, but he jumps up and does a split kick to knock them both senseless. Longarm attempts to tackle Splicer from behind, but he does a backflip and kicks him in the back. Longarm quickly regains his balance and takes out his beam sword. Splicer activates his arm blades and it's speed versus strength, and speed wins when he does a two his combo too Longarm's chest before finishing with an uppercut. Bumblebee blasts his missiles at Splicer, who only barely slides past them. Splicer give Bumblebee a left jab while blocking Sideswipe's blade attack. the two engage in a brief battle before the Autobot's defense breaks and gets his head banged on a car.

Splicer: "Why (bang) can't (bang) we (bang) just (bang) get along?" (bang)

Prowl returns to the battle and gets beaten as soon as he arrives. Prowl manages a miracle and uppercuts Splicer, but that's exactly what he wanted to happen. As he falls he sinks his elbow blades into the road and kicks Prowl away from him. Using all his might, he breaks free of the road by taking two huge chunks of it with him. His first act is to bash Longarm with it which temporarily knocks him out. Sideswipe tries to do an air attack, but he is blocked by Splicer using the other rock as a shield and is slammed down hard on the ground. He then uses his arm blades to cut the debris into smaller pieces and hurl them at the Autobots. One hits Longarm square in the face and another gets slammed into Bumblebee's chest. One hits Sideswipe in the leg to get him off balance, but Prowl uses his pistols to blast away the remaining pieces. Splicer then leaps into the air and does a side spin jump attack. It tears up the road and Prowl slips and is almost killed by the attack. He scoots up at the last minute, which saves him from getting a crotch injury. Splicer gets a blade stuck in the road and Prowl kicks him in the face. He gets sent to Longarm, who knocks him aside with his left arm. Before trying to finish Splicer he gives him a wicked kangaroo kick. Next, he jumps onto Longarm's face and does a leg lock on his neck. He then toys with him by slapping his head as he struggles to break free. He then lets go and gets Longarm in a full nelson.

Splicer: "Please stop struggling, it's insensitive to everyone else."

Longarm continues to struggle, and he gets knocked unconscious with a small elbow jab to the face.

Splicer: "I guess it's just us now."

Prowl: "Bring it."

Bee: "Please don't."

Splicer: (confused) "I'm getting mixed signals here. Prowl wants me to bring it, but Bumblebee doesn't."

Prowl: "I'm the higher authority figure here, so listen to me."

Side: "Are you crazy?!"

Prowl: "Yes, but I have a plan."

Splicer: "I love plans!"

The four battle with Splicer doing a roll attack to hit Bumblebee, and the gets Prowl with a sweep kick. Sideswipe gets a quick punch in before getting decked. Bumblebee grabs him from behind, but Splicer counter grabs and slams him hard on the ground. Splicer takes out his dual plasma machine guns and pelts the Autobots while shooting Prowl's guns out of his hand. Bumblebee has enough and gets a well timed missile blast that hits splicer directly into the chest, ending the fight. The four Autobots surround Splicer to indicate that the show is over.

Splicer: "Awesome fight guys, I've gotten a little rusty. Anytime guys."

Rumble, Frenzy, and Laserbeak attack the Autobots, and Laserbeak uses the distraction to snatch Carly with his talons, and flies away. Rumble uses his Piledrives to destroy the freeway, causing a big gap between the Autobots and Decepticons. The four villains drive and fly away, leaving the Autobots battered and afraid.

Spike: "No! She's gone, and it's all my fault."

Bee: "It isn't your fault Spike, it's Prowl for doing a crap job."

Side: "Oh my aching motherboard!"

Prowl: (putting his hands to his head) "Optimus is going to kill me!"

Spike: "Is that all you can think about right now?!"

Prowl: "Sorry...I'm just not used to messing up this bad."

Side: "And boy did you."

Prowl: "Shut up."

Longarm: "I think there is a silver lining here."

Prowl: "What makes you say that?"

Longarm: "This."

Longarm goes over to car, and to the other's surprise it's the body of the unconscious Ravage.

Longarm: "Don't count us out just yet."