Don't worry My Son Mommy Will Take The Pain Away ( Complete ) [Editing]

Nathaniel Antoninus Aelius Pius

I opened the door to see her cold body lying on the ground. Next to her, a red liquid was dripping out of a bottle. I went over there and held her in my arms as I brushed away her chestnut hair out her face. Her skin was naturally pale but now, it was as pale as the dead. Her warm hands were now as cold as ice, her perfectly plump soft lips were dried and cracked. I didn’t want her to suffer. Did she really think I would allow her to be killed? I know that losing her child was painful, but would she really go this far to get away from me? Ever since that child came into existence, she prioritized him over me. I got jealous. I was angry, but I never wanted any of this. I loved that child and I love you. I clutched her dead body onto my chest as I cried. Then, that woman came in.

 

-  "Until the very end she died pitiful, thinking that you hate her and blaming you for her child's misfortune. She died miserably. A befitting end, don't you think?" -  She smiled. 

 

- "Guards! Get her out of my sight!" -

 

I woke up. What a strange dream… I couldn't remember much of it, but I could still feel the pain in my chest. The woman in my dreams looked like lady Vivian from the Rushell family. I didn't know the other woman, she was strange. I knew I hated her, but why did I have such an odd and vivid dream? It felt real…However, when would such an occasion happen? Why would Vivian and a child die under my watch? It’s true that I didn't like the fact that Vivian was my mother's political puppet. And I know she is aggressive towards other girls who try to approach me, but those are her only faults…

Thinking about this I got up and prepared myself to have breakfast with my mother. I don't hate my mother, but I don't particularly like her since she is always trying to control me and is always comparing me to lady Vivian. That's another thing I don't like. I looked at my mother who I hadn't seen about a week ago. Even though we live in the same palace, we barely see each other. She looked distressed about something. She had long black hair that shined brightly, gray silvery eyes and an overall fair complexion. But I can see that she must be tired.

- "Is something bothering Empress mother?" -

-  "Yes, it’s been bothering me for a while now. Did anything happen between you and lady Vivian that could cause a fall between you two?" -

- "No, I don't think so. The last time I saw her, she was completely normal." -

- "Oh, I see then." -

- "Is something the matter?" -

- "No, not at all." -

- "Ah, mother, if there were a reason for you to kill your own child, what reason would that be?" -

The question slipped my mouth. I wasn't thinking of such a question nor did it come to mind… Why would I ask such an outrageous question? But for some unknown reason, I felt antsy about the answer.

- "What reason?... I can't think of any." -

That answer made me felt a bit disappointed but I really wanted to get an answer, so another question slipped my mouth:

- "If you hated the man of that child badly, would you do i-" -

- "No!" -  She cuts in before I could finish. 

- "If a woman or man thinks that way, they’re honestly stupid or wicked. Once a mother loves her child, there is nothing she could do to hurt them. To a mother, her child is the most important thing in the world, even if she doesn’t show it. Now that I think about it, the only way I would ever kill my child would be if he asked me. However, even then I don’t think I would be able to do it. You and lady Vivian seem out of character these days." 

When she answered my question, I could feel a hint of relief inside me. Then the feeling changed into a more unsettling feeling, like I wanted more answers.

I have lived my years without binding myself to emotions. I never tried to connect to anyone… Well, it was that way until I met her a few years ago. 

I was ten and she was seven. I was lying in the garden in the palace when I heard the sweetest voice say "pretty". I looked around and saw a cute little girl. Her hair was in two twin tails, she was in a lovely purple dress slightly below the knee. She hid her face with a white stuffed animal that looked like a bunny. She was shy so I sat up slowly. It startled her a bit. I looked at her with an empty expression. I wasn't good at facial expressions but I tried a couple of times to be friendly towards others. 

- "What is pretty?" - I asked.

She slowly walked up to me and gave me a candy. She opened the back of the stuffed bunny to show me her hidden candy which puzzled me because I don't see how this answered my question.

- "Mommy doesn't allow me to eat many sweets so I always hide them. This will be our secret. You know, candy always makes me feel better when my mood is sour." 

She gently smiled. This girl obviously doesn’t know me, yet she knows I'm upset. How? She stuffed the candy in my mouth. It was sweet. Her hand was soft, it surprised me. Her smile was so bright. After that, many years passed until I saw her again. She was the reason I liked sweets.

Her name was Vivian Madeleine Rushell and I liked her. However, it totally ticked me off that she was my mother's God daughter. What a big coincidence, huh? I don't want to be manipulated by my mother. That's not right! I want to choose my own way, not the way she wants. I suddenly heard something in the back of my head saying:  'do you want to walk down the same path as I did?' It sounded like I was asking myself a question. I can hear the voice saying: 'I want to change. I don't want to lose her again. I want to save her. Don't lose her at this moment!' I was puzzled by everything. It was overwhelming. My head started to hurt and I ended up fainting from the pain.

Edited by Fatal2020