.•°¤* ꜱᴛᴏᴘ ᴀᴄᴛɪɴɢ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ *¤°•.

~16~

I sat with my back pressed against the headboard of my bed in the darkness. It was the first of January now, even though it was only a few hours into the new year. The once dark sky was being painted in a blue hue, a gentle reminder from the sun that I had once again pulled an all nighter. A sigh of disappointment escaped my mouth and I rubbed the sleep depreciation away from my eyes with the back of my hand. It had been a while since I had a good night’s sleep, but there was no way I could let myself rest.

Every time I closed my eyes I was met with all the things I didn’t want to remember. I was going into a state of repression again. There was so much that went on this Christmas that matched the events of the day that ruined my life and my brain was trying desperately to remove it from my memory. It was the worst feeling in the world, draining every physical and mental fiber of my being like there was no tomorrow. I just wanted to escape from it all but my body wouldn’t let me and I feared that I would have nightmares about what happened. I was so tired. So, so tired.

I had only gotten out of bed to feed Cat and take showers, other than that I remained like a corpse in a casket of unwashed sheets and permanently dented pillows. I couldn’t even find comfort in my own bed, much less the clothes I had been wearing for god knows how long. The room was spinning with every little movement my eyes made and if I even raised my hand to swipe hair out of my face it felt like gravity was against me. There was so much tightness in my whole body and just as much pressure in my chest. It hurt to just exist. 

Reluctantly, I pushed myself away from the headrest so I was slouching slightly and scanned my unchanging room. Cat was nowhere to be seen, my walls looked paler and the incredibly dim glow of street lights outside barely peeked through my window. As I rose to my feet for the first time in about a day, I slowly trudged over to the other side of my room. I must’ve looked like a zombie with how weirdly I took my steps to accommodate for the soreness that racked through my muscles. By the time I was hovering over my desk, I was swaying with the sudden increase in dizziness. 

I was on autopilot with the way I moved and what my thought process was. My hand seemed to have a mind of its own as my fingers wrapped around my phone to bring it up to my face. The device felt so much heavier than before, but I ignored the feeling and unlocked the screen. White numbers told me it was 4:47AM, eliciting a groan of annoyance from me. Checking the time didn’t help as much as I thought it would. Maybe it would’ve given me a sense of reality or put me back in the present, but it just made me feel even worse for not remembering when the last time I slept was. I was about to put it down when a notification from twitter lit up the screen.

It wasn’t a text, but it still somehow made my finger tap on it to open the app. The first thing I noticed was my flooded messages once the screen loaded. The light was so blinding even on dark mode that I had to look away from my phone for a moment to adjust to it without straining my eyes too much. I ignored whatever the notification was that brought me here and went to my messages. Immediately, Dream’s contact was at the top with too many unread texts for me to care to count. A wave of guilt kicked me in the gut upon being brought to the beginning of unopened text bubbles. It surprised me that I even felt an ounce of remorse, but I blamed it on the deliriousness. 

Dream 

December 25th at 9:35PM

you dont have to come back but pls tell me you got home safe

i know its not that cold like at thanksgiving but i just need to know if youre okay

i dont know what to do im so confused

dave and stacy are arguing and sapnap and rose left and i said i had to use the bathroom and im so scared i dont know what to do

i know you probably dont want me to apologise right now and its okay