🔞{my filtered euphoria}🔞

제17장 (chapter 17)

While I was under water I felt my feelings drown with me. My sad feeling got lost deep down inside myself. Soon I needed oxygen so I got up and started breathing heavily. I made myself think I wasn't sad anymore so I got out the tub and wrapped myself with a towel and went to my room. I quickly changed into my pajamas then started drying my hair. I walk to the kitchen and get some snacks. I went to the living room and started watching a movie while eating. After I finished all my snacks I sighed and rested my head on he back of the couch.

I got the remote and turned off the tv then dragged my feet to my room. I plotted myself on the bed then hug my pillow tightly. I soon feel asleep while still hugging the pillow. The next morning I woke up because of my alarm. I groan but force myself up. I walk to the bathroom and do my business then wash my face. I change my clothes without trying to look good because of everything that has happened recently I didn't have enough energy to get dressed up really pretty and stuff like how I usually did. I put on normal jeans with an oversized hoodie. I plush my hair then got a few hair clips and put them on to get my bangs out of my face.

I walk to the kitchen and make a simply breakfast and eat it. Since I didn't want to be late I quickly got my backpack and put on my shoes. I then left my house making sure to lock my house so neither of the boys decide to come visit like they did last night. I walk to school but then stop once I see a boba cafe in front of me. Although I already ate breakfast I suddenly started craving boba so I walked inside. I quickly got myself a Thai milk tea then continue walking to school. I haven't had boba in a long time so by just talking one sip made me slightly smile.

But then I remembered what Taehyung called me so my small smile went away almost instantly. When I finished my drink i threw it away in the trash. I then went to my seat and rested my head on the desk. While the Teacher was teaching I was drawing random things. Suddenly I felt like I was wet making me freeze. Nonononononononononononoonono it can't be! I looked down and spread my legs a bit. Shit......I'm on my period..........I quickly close my legs tightly. I became stiff. I could cover myself with my hoodie but I don't have nothing underneath only my bra............ I continued looking at the clock waiting for class to be over.

I then started becoming anxious and uneasy. Even worse these are my favorite jeans and now they are going to have a stain on them. At least I'm not wearing my favorite underwear...... when class finished I Quickly picked up all my stuff. When I got up I quickly pulled my hoodie down to cover myself, Luckily the chair didn't get dirty. I quickly get out of class and go to the nurse's office. Even after putting on the pad I still felt anxious. I constantly continue pulling my hoodie down. Ugh couldn't my period come other time? This week has already been bad and now it's even worse.

When lunch time came I sat down alone since I obviously wouldn't sit down with the boys and IU was probably mad at me. I don't know why she is mad but I know she is. I slowly ate my food. My cramps weren't that bad but they still hurt. I wrapped one arm around my stomach then continued eating with my other hand. Before lunch time finished I went to the bathroom. When school finally finished I quickly packed up my stuff and speed walked out of the school building. I couldn't wait to take a shower and get out of these dirty clothes. When I came home I put my backpack on the floor then went to the bathroom and took a quick shower.

I then changed into an oversized t-shirt and shorts. I quickly brushed my hair then went to the kitchen. I made myself food then ate it. I then put the dirty clothes in the washing machine. I then started eating ice cream while watching dramas on the tv. After I finished my ice cream I frowned. "I'm going to get more" I said to myself then got up and turned off the tv. I got my money then started putting on my shoes. Maybe I should go to the mall so I can get a new pair of jeans.....ooooooh yes and new shoes. I said then started walking to the nearest mall. I ended up buying more then I intended. I bought a lot of clothes and a lot of food.

While walking to the exit my hand suddenly started hurting since I had been carrying the bags for so long. I placed the bags on the floor then started stretched my hands. I then started cracking my fingers then started looking around. A small store then caught my eye making me slightly smile, it was a baby store. Becoming a mother made me smile I always wanted to be a mom but not right now since I still don't have a job so I won't have enough money to have a family yet. I'm lucky my sister pays the bills for my house and gives me a bit of money every month for me to buy myself stuff.

Since my sister is an idol she rarely visits me....still I'm glad she makes sure to make enough time to make sure I don't end up in the streets. After college I'll make sure to get a good job and take care of myself so my sister won't have to worry about me. I almost debuted with her but they ended up firing me since I had such a short temper. She feels bad that's why she cares about me. Becoming and idol was a childish dream of mine. That's why I'm going to be a teacher or a lawyer........ nah being a teacher is better. I want to teach little kids since teaching teenagers will be difficult.

I snapped back to reality and picked up the bags and entered the baby store. There was a section for the boys and one for the girls and I immediately went to the girls side. There were so many cute baby clothes. There was a little dress that looked so cute it made me smile. I then walked to the boys side. A pair of cute shoes instantly caught my eyes. They were so cute I couldn't stop looking at them. I put the bags down at picked up the shoes. I started looking at them even closer making me smile. I suddenly started feeling emotional so I put them down.

I'm not having a baby so why am I even here? Still those shoes were adorable and I could maybe never find them again. Without thinking twice I got the shoes again then picked up my bags and went to the counter. I paid for the shoes then walked out the small store. I then continued walking out the mall. I got a taxi and went home. When I arrived home I put the food away and put new clothes inside my closet. I got the baby shoes and looked at them again. I really want to be a mom but I also don't want to. I put the little shoes back inside the box and put them underneath my bed. I changed then went to sleep still not being able to get the smile off my face.

Unedited since I'm so lazy today :/ anyway hope you enjoy this chapter even though it's kinda boring...

Also quick question does anyone else just smile imagining being a mom or is it just me? Just imagining me carrying a baby in my arms makes me smile.

But of course I don't want to be a mom YET but later when I'm older and find the right guy to be the father of my children

Ok bye! See you in the next chapter

BRUH THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED A LONG TIME AGO BUT MY WIFI WASN'T WORKING UGH! But oh well hope you enjoy