TAGG & RANDOM THINGS

So many questions, but no one says anything.

I am just upset.

Why?

Because I figured out that, "this girl" and myself were the only ones who did not make it.

Make it where?

The volleyball team.

The girl was new, had lots to learn.

But me?

I really hate saying this but, I can play better than some of the girls in the team. (I am sorry, I promise I am not like that [self centered ofcs]) and some of the girls who play on that team seem to know it too.

Here is the only problem. In the tryouts I did my hardest, had fun, and it was one of the tryouts I was confident in.

And once I came home and showered, I got slapped with the email saying I didn't make it. I was confused it was until later on I realised there was no other team.

I was devastated. Not because I didn't make it. Because my head was scribbling questions.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Was it Mrs. Man who messed me up?"

"What happened?"

It was the same equivalent as studying for a test. Getting the sheet. Then answering the questions with confidence.

But the next day you figure out, you got a low grade. "What happened? I studied, worked hard, I knew the answers!"

"Was I not enough?"

The questioned I came running around, a horse in a carousel. Running in circles.

Was I not enough??

I wish I had the conference to go up to the coach and ask.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Was I just bad?"

Because I am anything but "bad"

I want to go up to my teammates and ask "Was it a surprise I didn't make it. Or was it expected?"

Because although those questions seems like I'm desperate. I want to know the answer,

If they thought I was bad and just should quit.

Or if the coaches just didn't have enough room.

Do they even talk about me? Or do they laugh about me?

Of course I would ignore it. It would just answer my question on if everyone sees me the same way the coaches do.

Am I just the unlucky person? The "Quiet" one. The "Kind"

I couldn't go up to someone and ask what I did wrong with a normal voice. I could barely look at my team grade without saying "What would be different if I was there?"

Infact I could barely look at my V-ball friends without thinking about it, and thinking if they were thinking of me.

Mrs. Man, if she did it. It's not her first time doing it. Last year 2019/2018 (end of the year) travel team,wanted to choose the same girls from last year. What did that mean? My sister didn't make the team.

If I could describe Mrs. Man is that she only payed attention to those she likes.

For example, Mrs. Man picked "these" girls for the "A team" leaving the rest for the "B team". She said and I quote "It doesn't matter where you start off at first because I might change the teams." So the B team had a chance to go up, and the A to go down.

No it didn't happen.

Why would it?

Next year (the next grade) my time to play. To have fun. SLAP!!! You didn't make it.

Mrs. Man was supposed to be on her side with the 9th graders. Why was she on our side?

75% of me wants to say she was the reason. No doubt it was her. And the rest of me? I guess I was shadowed by the others.

It's weird.

You try so hard to get noticed but they only see you as a shadow. Walked over. Invisible...

You only matter when you get injured. Hurt. That seems like the only time someone goes up to you like "OMG what happened?! Are you okay?!?" When you don't know what they say behind your back.

"Did they even see me?"

I'm sorry.

:/

Life's is not unfair, it's the people in it.