Pre-Parental Panic

Of Irken Pregnancies

Hello, everyone! Here I bring you the one-shot I promised featuring the birth of Red and Lena's smeet! It takes place a few months after the end of Indokani.

-IZ-

The Massive rarely knows the meaning of taking a break.

Even when temporarily stationed to refuel and restock the snack pods' supply, there are always pilots on the controls, crewmen running along the engines, and soldiers doing stuff inside. It's known that only the best of the best are hired to work aboard the Irken flagship. After all, the Tallest themselves resided there, so it must be at top condition 100% of the time.

In other words, the crew of the Massive was prepared for any unexpected surprises.

"THE SMEET IS COMING!"

...Okay, almost any.

They learned quite a few things about pregnancy ever since they discovered Lady Lena was smeeting. You can't blame them for not knowing. Most of them hadn't even seen a smeet before until Ilk came along, and she was a few days old when she arrived. Thus, they were unaware of their own natural reproduction.

In the first few months, the Irkenette suffered constant mood swings and ridiculously picky cravings. On one occasion, Lena wanted chocolate cheesecake (Tallest Purple was sent into the I-miss-Cheesecake fit whenever that word was pronounced when he was around). But when the snack was brought, she rejected it, saying she wanted vortian chocolate, not the usual irken fudge ones. And when the correct ones were delivered, she changed her mind and said she wanted irken fudge.

Another thing was that she created a sort of 'nest' in her and Tallest Red's bed with all the pillows, inadvertently occupying most of the available space. If anyone other than Tallest Red dared to go into the room, Lena would hiss and hide further into her nest. Only Tallest Red was allowed into the den (or the room, even).*

Speaking of Tallest Red, the crew noted he was also displaying certain... behaviors himself. He didn't want any other males near Lena (Tallest Purple was the exception because he was his best friend and co-Tallest). In the first two months, he sent many out of the airlock for just glancing at her. Whenever both were in the nest he'd watch over his wife, fascinated, as she slept and would give warning hisses at whoever came too close.

And there's also the moment everyone was anxiously thinking of lately: what happened when an Irkenette went into labor? Guess they were about to find out.

"WHAT DO WE DO?!"

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?! I'M AN ELITE, NOT A DOCTOR!"

"ARGH! IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT DO IT YOURSELF! YOU GET HOT WATER, YOU FETCH TOWELS, YOU RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES AND PANIC!"

"Grruggl-aargh!"

"PURPLE, STOP EATING AND HELP ME!"

The doors to Red and Lena's bedroom opened abruptly. About a hundred panicked Irkens, Red and Purple among the front rows, tripped and formed a big pile of squirming and protesting bodies. And yet somehow Red managed to stick his head out from underneath Tenn's waist. "LENA, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!"

Lena merely blinked and stared at the scene. "Red, I told you it was only a kick."

The shouting was replaced by collected sighs of relief as everybody scrambled to get back on their feet.*

"Okay, everyone, get back to work or whatever!" Red snapped, not even bothering to apologize for scaring the heck out of them for no reason. He was the Tallest, he didn't have to do that! Well, there were exceptions, such as when he apologized to Lena for hurting in feelings in back in Hoth*, or to Purple over Cheesecake.