From Strangers to Strangers (A Hello Stranger Fanfiction)

Present

"I'm sorry that I gave up on us," I finally tell him after a long silence. He looks at me this time. I cannot help my tears from streaming down my face. I can feel my heart breaking and shattering once again. Those years of concealing this pain and regret inside of me go unhinged. "I'm tired of feeling this regret in me, Xavier. I grew tired of my feelings for you."

I wipe the tears from my face, "Truth is, I am still hoping."

His eyes grow wider upon hearing this, "Say it."

"That I wish it was me again," I tell him with finality.

He looks away from me, but his tears are not stopping from falling from his eyes. He gulps and tells me, "But I'm not sure if I'll still choose you." Those words are not what I expected. I still find it hard to accept this reality, but my brain tells me that I deserve this. I inflicted it on myself. "I cannot choose you, Mico."

"I wish it was us again," I say for the last time. I feel my voice is breaking like the shattering of the heart inside my chest.

I can hear Xavier's short breaths. I can smell the alcohol in his mouth even if we are meters apart. I can sense the smoke from his cigarette. I hear him say, "I want to repeat, you were five years late, Mico. I hope you realize that I am happy now."

I look down sideways, I cannot look at his face while he is telling me these words. I did not know that he was capable of using happy without me in it. I did not expect that he would tell me that I was five years late. I should have been wise enough to admit that all the decisions I made years ago had this kind of repercussion. I came here to this party thinking I could fix things with him after we talk. But I guess, it was true. Maybe I was five years late.

"But if you truly feel that way for me now," I say. I have nothing to lose anymore, I already look weak in front of him. There is no turning back. I want to win him back. I am desperate. "Then why are you wearing the jacket I gave you?" I look at his outfit.

"This?" he holds the hem of the jacket. He smirks and continues, "This meant something to you? This jacket lost its meaning on the same night you decided to treat what we had as some piece of trash you threw away in the garbage can.

"You think that me wearing this piece of shit has meaning?" he continues. "I actually brought it here to give it back to you."

I cannot take this humiliation that I feel inside of me, but I can go on and go on because maybe -- just maybe -- I can change his mind. Maybe he can reconsider. Maybe he wants me to feel bad because he wants revenge for what he felt before, but he still has that feeling for me. You cannot be angry at someone you do not have feelings for anymore, right?

He begins to look at me in the eyes. He is looking at me with pure rage and frustration. I can see it. I can feel it. I feel so small in front of him. I feel like anytime right now, he can snap and crush me to pieces. But I can endure that for you, Xavier. I want you to hurt me the way I did to you five years ago if that is what it takes just to have you back.

He removes the jacket from himself and hands it back to me. I can feel the weight of the world on the palm of my hands. "Where were you five years ago when I needed you most?" he asks me.

I am dumb to think that Xavier will still be there after all that I got him through. Five years is long enough to get over someone who treated you like shit.

Xavier's phone rings. There is a shift in his emotion when he sees who is calling him. He asks me calmly if I mind, but I tell him to go on. I look away from him as he answers the call, but I thought nothing will hurt more. I know he intends to soften his voice so I cannot hear him, but I did anyway when he says, "Hey, babe. Sorry, just had a short conversation with acquaintances."

I wish I am dead instead.