Lifetime in Repeat (Trick)

01

Pink and purple clouds traveled through the sky slowly, standing out against the reds and yellows and oranges that turned the horizon into a breathtaking artwork and announcing the end of yet another day in the apocalypse. The end of yet another day they had survived.

Nick turned to look at Troy, a fond smile finding its way on his weathered face when he found his husband fast asleep in the chair next to him, the book he had gotten for him to read on his last supply run still sitting opened on his lap where he had left off before sleep had taken him.
He looked down at their intertwined hands, now wrinkly with age but still fitting together perfectly the way they had fit together perfectly that night at the bazaar when Troy had been too scared to fully let go of Nick in fear of losing him too, the way he had lost everyone else he had ever cared about.
Nick stroked his thumb over Troy's knuckles, feeling the signs of years of labor on the farm and even more years of wielding weapons to protect them both from the horrors of this strange new world. Their strange new world. Eventually his eyes fell on the scar in the middle of Troy's palm, now faded and nothing more than a small white line but still none the less a testament of their love. Self-destructive, protective, raw and impulsive but still beautiful in its truest form.
Troy had taken that knife to protect him and Nick would forever be grateful for this chance because if Troy hadn't saved him, he would have never learnt what love really was, what happiness really felt like.
He would have never experienced endless summer nights, huddled around the campfire while they took turns with telling stories from their childhood as they roasted marshmallows they had found at an abandoned campsite.
He would have never experienced those grey rainy days on which they shared kisses underneath the warm covers of their bed while raindrops hit the windows.
He would have never experienced the happiest moments of his life. He would have died lost and lonely,  as the misunderstood addict that never failed to disappoint.

With Troy he didn't feel like a disappointment because they both embraced the other's sharp edges without fear of getting cut. Deep down they were the same, two pieces of the same tormented soul.
Soulmates.

Troy stirred a little and soon brilliant blue eyes met Nicks own chocolate brown ones.
"Hey there, handsome", Nick smiled, reaching out to place his free hand on Troy's cheek and maybe they were old now but these were still the same eyes he had fallen in love with all those years ago, deep blue like the ocean and filled to the brim with emotions that words could never convey.
I wish I were a poet so I could write about them
There had been a time when these eyes had been hazy with madness or bright with pain and unshed tears but now Nick could only find peace and contempt, acceptance of what would come next.

"You're one to talk", Troy replied quietly, mimicking Nick's smile and for a moment they were back in time, arms around one another as they stumbled down the street high at 5 in the morning, the same stupid smile on both their faces.

Nick's fingers brushed the scar on Troy's temple and for a second his smile faltered because he had gotten so close to losing all this, had thought it lost already.
It has been his fault, he had let it happen but when the hammer had hit him a second time and Troy had tumbled down that ditch Nick had been right behind him, holding him close and he had held him even when the water came, washing them both away and he had held him even when the older cried in pain, asking, begging him to kill him because it just hurt so fucking much and he had held him as Troy fought the consequences of what Nick's own mother had done to him day after day.

He had chosen Troy over her because Troy loved him. Not only when he was clean, not only when he was okay, no. Troy loved him unconditionally the same way Nick loved him back. He let him be free where Madison had held on to him too tightly, corrupting him.

When you hold on to something for too long or too hard you corrupt it.

Troy noticed the thoughtful look on Nicks face, leaning closer to place a gentle kiss on his lips.
"Your thinking is going to give me a headache, love", he mumbled when he pulled away, turning his face a little to place a kiss on the palm of the hand Nick had kept on his cheek as well.

Nick brought their intertwined hands up to his lips, returning the favor by placing a kiss on Troy's hand.

"It's getting late", Nick spoke up after a while, looking up at the stars- the same stars under which he had proposed to Troy one ridiculously warm summer night somewhere in California.
He would never forget the shock on Troy's face when he had gotten down on one knee. It was a rare sight because Troy Otto didn't do surprised but to Nick it was all the more worth it for that. And he would never forget the joy he had felt when Troy had said yes, blue eyes overflowing with emotion.
"We should head inside. Get some sleep", Troy suggested, looking at Nick for confirmation.
The younger nodded and smiled, slowly getting up from his own chair so he could help Troy inside their small cabin.

They had returned to the ranch after the dam had been destroyed and Troy had recovered from his injury and with the herd gone they had started rebuilding it. They had mended the fences, had cleaned out the pantry and had planted new seeds, steadily growing closer together every step of the way. In the end they had rebuilt Nick's little cabin. Their home.

Nick led Troy over to their bed, taking off his shoes for him before he pushed him to lie down gently so he could cover him with the blanket. He glanced over at their nightstand, smiling a little when he saw the vase full of bluebonnets in the pale moonlight that was streaming in through the windows.
Then Nick move to his own side, slipping underneath the blanket as well and placing a kiss on Troy's lips before he claimed his place tucked close against the older man's chest.
"I love you, Troy."
"Love you too, Nicky", Troy replied, placing a kiss on top of Nick's head.

They were both old now, the wrinkles around their eyes stood testament to that but Nick reminded himself everyday that they were also testament of the countless hours they had spent smiling with one another, laughing at stupid jokes that only they understood and whenever his bones ached he remembered that he'd endure so much worse if it meant spending another day with the love of his life.
His soulmate.
But even if death was to claim them this day they would go together, hand in hand as it should be.

Nick woke with a start, chocolate brown eyes blinking into focus slowly. He turned his head, almost sure he could feel warmth beside him still but the bed was cold and empty.
With a sigh the brunette rose, grabbing Troy's jacket on his way out.
The night air was chilly now that fall was well on its way and Nick pulled the jacket tighter around himself as he walked, the grass and earth soft underneath his feet, grounding him even as his thoughts were running wild, buzzing with memories. It wasn't long before he found the one he was looking for, only a short walk away from the stadium.
"Hey Troy. Couldn't sleep so I thought I'd come see you."
Nick smiled a little- a hollow smile, the only thing that he could manage nowadays- as he sat down in front of the headstone, gently tracing the letters he himself had carved into it.

In Loving Memory of Troy Otto
The Soulmate that wasn't meant to be