Catalyst

Chapter 15

The Internet proved much more useful when it came to masturbation than it did when Quinn had looked up Rachel's medical condition. Videos, advice columns, blogs – the works popped up when it came time for that. It was a little embarrassing, and knowing Rachel did it was a little help, but Rachel was also pretty shameless overall. She tried it the same night, laptop at an angle from the protrusion of her stomach, but this time it was helpful. She wasn't exactly aroused and the videos made her cringe because some of those positions were so weird and so uncomfortable looking, she stuck to reading. Masturbation went a little better this time around, but she still felt awkward touching herself, especially with her swollen belly in the way and the baby kicking more frequently. She gave up altogether when she was close to a tingling feeling and what felt like a foot jabbed against her kidneys.

Gerard printed out the baby's ultrasound pictures and started a baby album. He'd decorated it himself with neutral tones and items; ducks, rattles, bottles, diapers, clothespins in their natural shades, nothing pastel, nothing overtly feminine or masculine. The book itself was black with white print, "Baby's First Album." He was certainly warming up to his role as Grandpa. There were pictures of her and Rachel from the birthday party, Rachel as a kid and toddler – he'd even dropped by when Russell was at work to see if Judy had a few pictures she was willing to part with temporarily, gaining some of Quinn as a chunky blonde baby, then an apple-cheeked toddler.

"You were cute," Rachel commented at the sight.

Quinn rolled her eyes, and received a small kiss to her cheek.

They laid together a lot of nights, just barely touching with her dads around, but it was enough, the tiny sensation of sparks everywhere. She wondered if she was becoming greedy, then decided that she'd always been greedy and was only now coming to accept that. And if she was greedy, the baby was worse.

Her stomach was constantly fluttering with what she was sure were somersaults, cartwheels, and judo tricks. Like their Mama, the baby seemed to soak up any and all attention as a good thing. Rachel seemed to think it was the most majestic thing in the world and Quinn felt like snapping that why didn't she go ahead and carry a child, but stopped herself. Rachel was just being nostalgic, she knew, especially since she'd found out that Rachel didn't have a uterus. She hadn't meant to, exactly, but they'd been in bed talking as they tended to and, somehow, they'd talked about names again. They still didn't have a set list but had determined that they'd prefer more masculine or feminine names instead of their current mix of androgynous names. It was probably from all the name-calling they'd gotten with their own names.

"Did you like anything from 'East of Eden' as a name?" Rachel had asked her, late one night, when they were cuddling in bed. "Or 'Grapes of Wrath' or anything else we've read?" Quinn's nose wrinkled as she thought. Most of the names were traditional, but more Christian-popular than plain popular. They'd read multiple books through her first two trimesters, and she'd entered her last trimester just a couple of weeks ago. She was in no way disenchanted with religion, was still an avid follower of her faith, but found that they were a little too currently in-fashion for her. They'd moved onto a new book, which had a vastly different format, and much more about Judaism than Protestant faith.

"Not 'East of Eden,'" Quinn told her. "But I like Asher a lot."

Rachel's thumb stroked the firm edge of her jawline, then her plush lip. Her finger stayed almost in place as Quinn continued, "If we have another baby, we might." And then she smiled, "But you have to carry it."

Her other's eyes dimmed slowly, and her thumb slipped down, to just under her mouth, the space before her chin started.

"I'm not capable of carrying a child," Rachel murmured. "My uterus never developed adequately and my pelvis is too small."