Naked (Wattys 2022)

Part 4

As I sat in front along with Emily, I realized that I was content not meeting Calhoun again.

As my foot tapped relentlessly against the floor of the car Emily stared at me habouring a curious face.

I knew she wanted to ask, but I wasn't sure why I was so agitated nor what I'd answer her with.

I sighed staring outside before smiling. The encounter was miniscule yet more uplifting than I thought it would be.

Even though I wouldn't be seeing Calhoun ever again I couldn't help but ponder on what kind of person he was as a whole.

"That's the first time I've ever seen a genuine smile on you." Emily treaded the waters gently as if she were scared to ask me. I didn't realize I was smiling.

This was a first for me as well.

"Are you ready to go to university?" she asked in a small voice. I didn't want Emily to be so causcious around me. Telling her this seemed more difficult than I expected. I struggled to convey what I felt when I felt it.

All I could do was nod. I figured that it'd be better if I were out of her way. Our 'bonding' wasn't getting anywhere as I was too afraid to speak my mind, to expose my true feelings to her.

Would they be disgusted that I eventually began liking the bruises that tainted my body? That it was now like an art piece I didn't want to part with? My thoughts were messy and hurtful.

"That's so good Eli! You'll need some new clothes! Some books and a backpack." I fidgeted with my hands in between my legs before she bit her lip.

"Let's start out with one hoody? How about that? And some pb and j?" the familiarity of the words, besides the hoody, excited me.

I nodded at her, genuinely appreciative of her warm aura.

The feeling of affection was foreign, and I was petrified that it would be taken away if I were to accept it with my impaired heart.

Would it spill through the cracks and lose meaning? Emily shed tears on a daily basis, trying to hide her broken nature behind her perfect smile.

"Daniel is joining us for breakfast tomorrow morning." Daniel always wanted a son and wasn't in agreement when Emily decided to give me up for adoption and he had been excited ever since I came to their home.

This was more alarming to me and made my heart beat excelerate a little more than it should've.

We walked towards the shop and I stared mostly at my feet trying my best not to make eye contact with people.

"Don't worry. I'll be here with you." She sounded unsure of herself but I knew the reason, I was the cause.

"Hello?" I looked up and her facial features were unfimiliar. I pursed my lips.

"Are you Eli? Calhouns cute friend?" my eyes widened and I stepped back bumping into Emily.

"Mom why are you standing there!" I popped my head to the side only to see Calhoun scowl furiously at the ground. I couldn't help but smile at the sight in front of me.

It was as if he never received his afternoon apple juice. Despite the warning signs going off within me I couldn't help but unknowingly beam at his bright appearance.

"Mo-" Calhoun looked at me with a mouth that nearly reached the floor. With shock came a little bit of anger.

I bit my lip unconsciouly gripping Emily's arm. I didn't know why but the mere fact that Calhoun was mad at me made me even more upset at myself.

Calhoun looked at my hand griping the pink fabric and then the anger dissipated almost immediatly.

"Hi I'm Calhouns mom he-" Calhoun coughed loudly.

"Are you here for clothes? My treat!" Calhoun gripped my hand and took me away.

I looked back afraid that Emily would be disappointed but her eyes glistened in the sunlight as she waved.

"I'll grab a coffee I'll be here!, take your time sweetheart!" My chest swelled with something foreign as I stopped Calhoun from moving any further.

"It feels warm here." I said as I touched my chest.

He smiled at my words before stepping in front of me.

"Why'd you leave without saying goodbye?"

Because everyone pretended to care. Everyone acted kind for a little while before they enclosed me in their fists and made putty out of me.