you first learn life at 5 in the morning, little by little you want to see more.
no, you dont want to wait still. no, you can take sitting over it than going away and forgetting. no, you're going to be fine. you're going to be fine but you arent going to be better at it. but yes, its 5 am, the sky is a pretty blue, and you want to live.
you're not thinking about her. or a person.
you're thinking about a time in the future, a place you can reach but not touch, not yet. a place where you see yourself, happy, bundled in the warmth of the blanket, feeling a little heavy and a little drowsy, watching the first of sunlight slip in through the cracks of your curtain pulled over your windows. a tiny, breathy, exhale.
you want to live. even if its just for that one day, you want to survive. to feel that warmth and comfort, to be able to sleep for just a little longer.
