A Sea Without Water, A Compass Without Direction

Chapter 23

There weren't a lot of things in Louis' life that he was sure about. There were small certainties, like how he'd never be able to return to his family, that Harry was the one, that sailing was what he was made to do, and that he was pregnant.

There was not a single doubt about these things. Admittedly, the last one had only been a certainty for the last four weeks, but it was a certainty nonetheless. It started when Louis had been experiencing nausea and eventually started throwing up in the morning. Add to that the fatigue and moodiness, and it had been more than obvious that Louis was more than just a little ill.

It wasn't just the symptoms, however. Louis, somehow, just knew. He knew he was pregnant.

He hadn't actually told Harry about it yet. In fact, he hadn't told anyone about it. It wasn't a matter of trust, it was just a matter of personal pleasure. Louis basked in it, the fact that he was pregnant, that there was a baby growing inside in his stomach; he was carrying Harry's baby, his son or daughter.

Secretly, Louis hoped for a son. A son could take over the ship one day, become the next Captain of the Cursed Odyssey. A son was allowed on the seas. A daughter, however, was a different story entirely. Women weren't allowed to sail the seas, at least not with pirates, which would mean that either she was to be left at a house or an orphanage, or for Louis to leave the crew; leave Harry. But Louis knew that he'd never leave his child, not even for the person he knew had to be his soulmate.

But he'd also never ask Harry to come with him if he were to leave. He'd never ask Harry to abandon his crew, his life, everything he had fought for. The Cursed Odyssey and her crew were Harry's pride and his life, and Louis could never ask him to abandon that.

Despite his hoping, something inside of Louis knew it wasn't going to be a boy. He couldn't place his finger on it, but somehow, he knew it was going to be a daughter.

Perhaps it was that feeling that prevented him from telling anybody. It was terrifying, the thought of having to leave the life he loved so dearly, the man he loved so dearly and the men he considered family. He didn't want to lose that, he didn't want to gain a child and lose everyone he loved in the process.

Part of him knew he was being selfish. The happiness of being with child, Harry deserved that happiness too. The thought of having a baby, the pure joy Louis felt, Harry deserved that just as much as Louis did.

Now wasn't the time to tell Harry, however, because Harry was focused on other things. As soon as they'd be sailing again and it would a slow day, Louis would tell him, but for now, he kept silent, simply because he knew that as soon as he'd tell Harry, the captain would drop everything else in an instant to focus on Louis and their baby, to keep them both safe. That would turn into his number one priority, and Louis couldn't have him focused on that.

Instead, he had to stay focused on whatever secret business he was taking care of. He didn't tell Louis much about it, simply telling him that it was something from his past and that Louis shouldn't be worried about it. He clearly didn't want to tell Louis, at least not yet, so Louis didn't push him and kept to himself, waiting for Harry to decide for the right time to tell him. They had time.

For the time being, they were docked in Nantes, a port city on the Atlantic coast of France. It was only a week's sail away from England, and to Louis, it felt odd. To know that his family was so close, yet so far away still, was an indescribable feeling. More often than not did he find himself staring into the direction of England, wondering about his family, about his sisters and his mother. He knew that Harry was aware of it, of his longing, and sometimes, would silently kiss his forehead, squeeze his hand and grant him a moment alone.

They had been docked in Nantes for the last week and a half, and with every day that passed, Louis would get more and more restless. Not because of the thought of his family, but because of the fact that Nantes was one of the biggest ports in France, which meant that with each day that passed, the chances of them running into the English Navy were growing and growing. It was only a matter of time that the Navy would dock there as well, and all that it would take was for one of the men to recognise Louis, and everything would end in an instant.