bf imagines

panic attack

"Here's your tickets," the ticket booth attendant handed t/n some tickets and we walked through the gate of the county fair.

"You know I've never really been on any scary thrill rides?" I told him.

"Really? Well let's start with this one. It's not that bad, you can hold my hand." He pointed towards a ride shaped like a guitar, swinging up, down and around.

"Okay!" I said happily. We waited in line for a bit, speaking to some people we knew and soon it was time to get on. 

The ride assistant buckled our seatbelts and I felt a rush of adrenaline as the ride started. But once it got going, I realized I wanted off right then, right there. The ride swung all the way up in the air to where everyone looked like ants, paused and rushed back down and up again. I was screaming and crying and squeezing t/n hand as he laughed at me. I think he thought I was enjoying myself, but I was far from it.

When the ride finally stopped what seemed like ages later but was probably more like 2 minutes, I got off and had to use t/n for support getting off. I was so dizzy.

"Was that fun or what?" He laughed, until he saw my face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I think I'm just really dizzy.. I kinda feel like I might puke." I leaned against him as we walked away. "I think I should sit down..." I said, but of course there weren't any places to sit. It was so hot out, and I was thirsty, so that didn't make my nausea any better.

"That's the fun of it. It gets your blood pumping and everything, it's so thrilling!" He said.

"I feel like I'm gonna be sick." I repeated.

"Okay. Come back here." He led me to behind a ride, and facing the road, I began to hurl. People were staring at me. He held my hair back and rubbed my back, trying to shield me from the staring. When I was done, my throat was raw and scratchy.

"Can you go get me something to drink please, I need to sit down." I sank to the ground and leaned against a railing. I was crying because I felt embarrassed.

"Of course. Be right back," he ran off to find some expensive vendor that likely was selling lemonade for $10.

I looked around at all the people as my stomach began to settle. Soon, t/n was back with a water bottle and some napkins. "Here angel," he said helping me up. I drank the water slowly.

"I feel a little better. Can we go on the Ferris wheel? And then can you win me a stuffed animal?"

"Are you sure you're good love?"

"Yes." He laughed and took my hand. After the Ferris wheel, he won me a stuffed unicorn, and I realized there was a lot more people piling around us.

Suddenly all the noise of the games, the balloons popping, the voices and people screaming, and the eyes I felt were looking at me became to much to handle. I started to hyperventilate as my tummy did flip flops. I always got nervous in crowds, but nothing like this. I felt like I was an elephant in a circus.

"Y/n why are you shaking?" T/n and I were holding hands walking around.

"It's all just a bit much, i dunno," I said in a breath, trying to not freak out.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know okay." I stopped walking and someone bumped into me. Sorry they said.

"Talk to me-"

"Can we just get out of here?"

"But I thought you were having fun-"

"I am okay! I am but I need some air" I was breathing really hard and felt like I would faint. My stomach hurt 10 times worse than before. My hands were quivering and I felt like I would pass out.

"Okay," he said as I led him quickly to behind a ride.

"I think I'm having a panic attack or something," I said sitting down, putting my knees to my chest. I felt like I couldn't get enough air. I felt cold wet tears slipping down my cheeks and my head was pounding. People were staring at me and laughing.

T/n didn't say anything , he just sat down and put his arms around me as I breathed in his scent and sobbed into his lap. The shaking wouldn't stop. I felt so stupid and embarrassed.

"Shhh, shhh you're okay, you're okay, I got you. I got you." He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.

"Is she okay?" I heard someone ask.
"Do you need anything?" Someone else questioned.

"Nothing to see here." He said sharply.

"Hey lady? I hope this will cheer you up," said a little boy who looked to be about 4 or 5. He handed over a little stuffed dinosaur and gave me a hug, his baby arms wrapping around me.

"Thank you so much love bug, but you can keep it," I said wiping my tears away and laughing.

"No, you need Mr. Bones more than I do," he insisted.

I smiled at him. "Thank you, kiddo." His mom walked over.

"My mommy gets those sometimes... I fink she calls em panicked attacks," he rubbed my back with his small sweaty hand.

"Jere! What in the world are you doing?!" She briskly walked over to him. "Don't ever run off on me like that again. I'm sorry guys is he bothering you?" Once she saw my situation, she got down on her knees and wiped my hair from my face.

"I used to get panic attacks a lot too, and one thing that helped me was to count all my fingers on my hands and take deep breaths. It centers your attention on the rational world and keeps you from panicking. Try it with me," I followed her motions and soon I could breath steadily. T/n was staring intently, curiosity filled his eyes. He wanted to learn how to help me.

"It gets better sweetheart. I promise. Luckily you have a pretty great guy right there," She motioned towards t/n. "You handled this situation perfectly. My ex husband would get so mad at me and call me names-"

"Yeah daddy is mean to mommy," said the small boy.

"Hush, Jeremy," his mom ordered. "All I'm saying is, you two seem like a lovely pair. I hope you two have a wonderful rest of your night. And never forget sweetheart," she looked me in the eyes. "You have one hell of a man right there."
He chuckled. "That's right." I said. "Thank you so much..." I prompted for her name. "Heather." She replied.

We walked back to his car after he begged to go get some cotton candy on the way out.

When we were in the car waiting for other cars to move so we could get out, tears started coming down my face again.

"Hey, hey! What's up?" He swiped my tears with his thumb and lifted my chin.

"I completely embarrassed myself tonight. Twice. God, you were probably so embarrassed, I'm sorry."

"I could never be embarrassed. I learned a lot about you tonight. For one, you don't like big crowds because they make you nervous," he said pulling out of his parking spot. "And for two, you don't like scary rides," He laughed and leaned over to kiss me at the traffic light. "Also, you could never embarrass me because I love you. And nothing and I mean nothing can change that."