MEMORIES

MY OWN MISERY

Oh, how you love to see me weep

in so much pain;

you tell me you love the rain

it gives you so much strength

by living off my misery.

when my life is going right

you would do whatever it takes

to see my heartbreak,

you said the day will come

when someone will put my heart on the run

you call that fun;

I never thought it would be

my own child that would cut me deep,

now look at me I can no longer sleep

or eat because all I do is weep,

soon comes the fear

that hangs near

Oh, how I truly feel the emptiness

of all those years, I gave my whole life

to the child I hold dear

left me in tears,

forgiveness will always be in my heart

even while I'm bleed out like ink

for the whole world to see me broken

but again, this would be my haters token,

where is the respect?

I am home alone

asking myself what is it I was doing wrong

why am I losing everything I love?

my child is now so grown up,

I had never lived a life for myself

all those negative feelings of loneliness

came rushing in like a wildfire of true

agony of bleeding pains

the cuts are so deep

I felt I could no longer breath

I even thought for a moment

my heart stops beating,

all those memories of my life

beat upon my me until I was broken

deeper than life ever could hand me,

this pain is stripping, taking everything

from me;

drain ever part of goodness from me

leaving me powerless

while I hear the evil ones

laughing at my pains

hoping for rain to come my way to stay,

I have no strength left in me,

this pain of letting go of what I truly love

Is really bringing me down to my knees

begging God to help me,

because this pain I feel

is striping me of all that I had ever live for.

Within the hours my child

walked back in the door

and that was the end of the war.

- Judy Emery © 2017 The Queen of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery