What if... // Jungkook (BTS)

2 - What if someone was real?

I don't understand what is happening. Light is coming through the window... Is it morning? How? I feel okay. I can feel his arm around my chest... he is spooning me. I feel like crying. No! No! It might not be what I think. His breath on my neck feels real. Why am I here? As I touch his hand, I feel something. It's not an electric charge, more like a chemical running through my nervous system giving me a surge. I lift his arm off of me, and as smoothly as possible so that I don't wake him, I shuffle my way to turn and face him. It's him. My love. He's asleep. He's beautiful in the morning light, his skin as pale and perfect as porcelain. I want to wake him up, but he was so tired last night. I can't. I'll wait. Maybe I'll disappear when he wakes up. This has never happened before. Why am I still here? Did I do something different last night? I don't think I did.

After thinking for what feels like hours, looking at his stunning peaceful face, I feel him shuffling and his arm reaches for me again. In one move, it's around my waist and he pulls me close to him. I am petrified about his reaction once he wakes up. Maybe it will just be as usual, if it is still just an hallucination. If not, will he actually know who I am? I'm in his head, but I don't know how much he is aware of me. I've been there for him for the last few months now, but I don't know if he remembers me in the morning. I am an illusion from his mind. He will wake up any moment now. I don't know what I am gonna say if I'm still here when he opens his eyes. This is unbearable but I don't want to move, or do anything that could shorten my time with him.

His eyes slowly open and he sees me, smiles and squeezes me closer to him. Okay... Everything is okay for now. His body suddenly tenses and his face is pure shock, he pulls away from me and slides away further and further until he falls off the bed. Oh shit! I feel awful, what is he gonna do? Why is this happening?! I don't get it. His head quickly pokes out from the edge of the bed and his round eyes just stare at me in shock.

"Wh... wh... what are you doing here?" His nervous stuttering shows me he knows something is not right. So he knows I shouldn't be here, but does he know who I am or is he just thinking some crazy fan snuck in his bed?

"I don't know." I say now sitting on the bed as weirded out as he is. I notice that I am wearing what I put on last night.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know!" Standing up, I start pacing, trying to think. "I'm gonna say something crazy but I need to ask okay?"

"Shoot."

"Do you know who I am? Because I know who you are to me."

His face softens slowly and he kneels, his elbows now on the bed.

"You're... you... you don't exist! It's not possible!" Climbing back on the bed, he stares at me obviously trying to figure out what is happening as much as I do. "Do you know who you are? This is crazy."

"Oh I know I'm yours. I'm the one who looks after you, listen to you, hugs you when you come back from a concert, from work or from an event."

"So it's really you?" As he says these words, his eyes sparkle with excitement.

"I'm not real though. I'm a figment of your imagination, or frustrations, or needs. I'm not sure."

Now standing up, he comes closer and with his best crooked smile, he reaches for my hand as his fingers intertwine mine, making me less anxious.

"I don't understand why I am here."

"So what do you know?"

"I looked after you last night, like I usually do, we had a shower together and I put you to bed and we fell asleep. Usually, I wake up just before you come back to your home or to your hotel room in the evening or the night. I never see the sun. This time, it's morning and I can see the light outside. And I can tell it's not our usual meetings. I can feel it and you can feel it too right?"