Weird Tales I Tell To My Brothers in the Car

Chapter 2 "The Waffle Story"

One early morning before the sun had even risen, the waffles bust opened Jrake's door. Rat-a-tat-tat! But Jrake, being the sleepy piggy he was, continued to snore on. The waffles snuck upstairs.

The last thing Jrake saw was the waffles laughing evilly around him before everything went black.

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When Jrake finally woke up, he found himself in an abandoned warehouse along with all the people in town. Their hands were covered in dried, sticky maple syrup so they could not leave. The waffles continued to take over the Western Hemisphere. They started with the United States first. When they finished, they went on to Canada. Then Central America. Then South America.

They thought they had gotten everyone, but unbeknownst to them, Aidan was on his way to the moon.

They had easily conquered half the earth. But the other waffles in Asia were having trouble because not a lot of people ate waffles. So the waffles went to go help.

Because the waffles were apparently stupid, they yelled their battle cries and rushed straight into the foaming waves of the vast ocean. Their cries, however, soones turned into strangled shrieks as the waves hit their waffle bodies and killed them nearly instantly. Their soggy bodies were soon swirled away, never to be seen again. Confused, they decided to call the waffles on the other side of the world to see if they knew how to cross huge expanse of cold water.

They waited impatiently for the phone to ring.

"我们是中国的松饼。你是谁？" (We are the Chinese waffles. Who are you?)

"We are the American waffles... And Canadian waffles too," they added when the Canadian waffles glared at them pointedly.

"What is it?"

"We have a question."

The Chinese waffles waited expectantly for the question.

"Well, you see, we are having a rather difficult time getting to you," the American waffles explained, fidgeting in embarrassment. "Everytime a wave hits any of us, we die."

"Are you stupid? Have you tried boats?"

"Erm... No to both."

"Well," the American waffles blushed as they could hear the contemptuous lilt of the Chinese waffle, " you might want to try that before you come complaining to us."

"Oh, yes. Wise decision, I guess."

Then the Chinese waffles hung up.

The American waffles immediately began to craft boats out of syrup as quickly as they could. When they finished, they were delighted to see that the boats floated in the water. But as soon as they got in, the boats began to sink. In desperation, they called the Chinese waffles once again. "We tried boats but they keep sinking!" the American waffles cried.

A sigh was heard. "Where did you find the boats?"

"Err...we didn't find them, we made them. Out of syrup, or course."

Something like the sound of a facepalm was heard. "Use the humans boats; they'll stay afloat and get you all here quicker." Then the Chinese waffles hung up again.

Blink. The American waffles were surprised. Use human tools? That seemed incredibly stupid. Nevertheless, they did as they were told. And soon, whoops and cheers were heard as they made their way out to sea.