A/N: I never open chapters with an author's note but this was too important. I implore you all to watch this video before reading this chapter. I found it after completing this writing and it was perfectly what I imagined his internal conflict would look like.
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His mind was a hurricane as he weaved his ship through the red nerves of the galaxy. Clouds of betrayal, guilt, and sadness whirled in his mind, dumping rain in the form of self-deprecation and sorrow all over his memories. But the clouds spun around a calm center; as there is in all hurricanes, there is an eye. In the center of his mind, he found peace and purpose. A sunray of hope shined bright against the wall of the storm clouds. Kylo Ren knew he was in the middle of the storm, but he knew the eye was where he was headed. That calm was waiting for him.
He left a part of himself back on Exegol with Rey. He loved her before he even realized it. But the girl he fell in love with was lost. She was drowning in the depths of a pain and sorrow he himself could not fathom. After she shared her plan with him, he knew his place was no longer on that planet. Maybe Hux was right, maybe it was time for the Force to stay out of politics. He was not meant to rule and for the first time in his life, he was okay with that. All he wanted was to be free of his pain that seemed to follow him wherever he went, whatever he did.
He closed his eyes and remembered the map he took from the pilot's mind. It was the only place he thought to go. He had learned that the Resistance base was on Ajan Kloss, but he was not ready to face them yet. He wasn't sure what he was ready for. He felt lost and the only place where he felt wanted, he just left. The TIE Fighter he stole from the Final Order's fleet lurched forward into hyperspace casting a blue haze on Ren's body. The swirl of the infinite galaxy in front of his eyes left him to his own thoughts.
His hazel eyes snapped open as his ship stopped abruptly as it exited hyperspace. In front of him was a small planet seemingly entirely covered by water. Looking at the planet, he felt a pull to it as if it was reaching out to him directly. Slowly he maneuvered the ship down into the atmosphere. He broke through the thin layer of clouds to see the island from his dreams resting in the center of the endless ocean. He brought his ship to land on a flat cliff face that hung over the side of the island. The waves of the ocean slapped against the rock meters below his ship as he exited it. Wind whipped through his hair, the sea spray splattering across his features as he looked out to the endless ocean in silence. He could hear the chatter of Porgs around him as he shut his eyes. He breathed in the cool air into his lungs to relax his inner turmoil.
Something deep inside himself knew that he was in the right place. His dreams connected him to this island but he did not know why. He heard whispers on the wind of voices he did not recognize. But he did not feel afraid of them or even of himself as they whispered to him; strangely enough he felt comforted and guided. He felt like he wasn't alone. His heart burned with an indescribable guilt he had lived with for years. Now that guilt had a physical form in Rey. Finn was right, it was all Kylo Ren's fault for corrupting her this way. He thought by joining together, they would balance the Force, not tip its scales past the point of no return. But instead of balance, there was pain and suffering. He had lost too many people that he loved: Chewie, Han, Luke, Rey. But when she mentioned wiping out the Jedi like her grandfather wanted to, all he saw was his mother. He missed her dearly and in these times, he wished he could go back to when he was a boy, loved by his parents and not feared by them.
"Hey kid." A voice interrupted his thoughts from behind him. His eyes opened as he instantly recognized it. His eyes welled up in tears as guilt and longing gripped his heart. Kylo Ren turned his body around as his lip trembled. Standing before him was his father, a smile splayed clearly on his lips. "You're just a memory." Kylo's shaky voice told the figure in front of him. His father took a step forward with sympathy in his eyes. "Your memory, son." He said softly. Kylo Ren could no longer tell what water was from the sea and what came from his eyes as he looked at his father. His lip quivered as his chest shrunk with emotion. "I know what I have to do." He mumbled, his voice breaking from the crippling guilt he felt.
Han Solo smiled at his son and nodded his head. "You do." He said softly as he placed a hand gently on his son's cheek. He looked at the man he raised with nothing but love in his gaze. His son's shoulders shook as he fought sobs. "Dad..." Kylo began but was unable to find the words to express everything he needed to say. He needed to apologize for everything he did, for everyone he's hurt and killed, for killing him. He needed to tell him how much he loved and missed him. But Han shook his head with a smile. "I know." Han forgave his son the moment his lightsaber went through his body. He loved his son and all he ever wanted was for him to come home. Even if he was not there to hold him when he did, his mother was. He wrapped his arms around his son as he sobbed. But Kylo Ren felt the weight of his dad's arms disappear from his back. Loss enveloped his heart when he knew his dad was gone.
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Finn had been silent since returning home from Exegol. As soon as the ship landed, he exited wordlessly and went to his tent to be alone, leaving Poe to pick up the pieces when it came to Leia. "I know you're probably furious with us and I know you were probably worried sick but hear me out," he prefaced, sitting across from Leia on top of a barrel of supplies. With a sigh, he continued. "Finn was hoping by going alone, he could seem non threatening and welcoming to her. All he wanted was to bring her home safely." Poe shook his head. "I thought it was a bit too hopeful but he wouldn't be convinced. He was convinced that it was all Ren who was making her do this." Leia's face fell at the mention of her son.
"So, what happened?" She pressed. A flash of remorse crossed his features as he took a moment to think before he spoke. "Rey is powerful; maybe more than Palpatine. She was ruthless and cold. Finn refused to fight her at first but she attacked." He explained. "She used the Force without moving her hands, she fought with her lightsaber like she was born doing it, and her words were cold and calculated. She had golden eyes for crying out loud." Poe exclaimed. The news worried Leia. To hear that Rey had drifted so far was like a knife in her chest. She felt that she failed two of her children to the Dark Side. She hesitated for a moment before asking, "You mentioned Ben. Was he... was he there?"
Poe didn't know how to explain what happened with her son to her; he didn't even know how to explain it to himself. Poe knew that Kylo Ren had every chance to kill him. He had his body frozen, his blade up mere inches from cutting his torso in two. But he just disappeared. "Yeah, he was." Poe admitted. Leia looked at him with a sad hope in her eyes. "He was different. I have only met the guy a handful of times but he was always so cold and confident. He was always involved. But he sat behind her and didn't fight Finn. He... he even had me frozen in his grasp and he didn't attack." Leia was confused by his story. For so long she had heard only terrible things that her son did. She had only heard him straying farther away from her. But this made her longing only grow. Was he finally coming home? She thought to herself. She would not give herself too much hope-- she had done that enough and only gotten her heart broken. She desperately wished that this time would be different. All she wanted was for her son to return home.
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Star Wars Episode IX: Duel of the Fates
Fanfiction(AU) Luke is gone. Kylo Ren is the new Supreme Leader. The Resistance is all but decimated. Now, all responsibility falls on Rey to balance the Force and bring an end to this war. But as a relatively untrained Jedi, she will not be able to find bala...
