Don't Look Back

Chapter 25

"She has been found!" Lord Babingtons voice shouted over the midnight waves.

Sidney circled his horse around and it neighed in protest at his riders sudden change in direction.

"Where!" he rode hard to make it to his friend who was riding his own horse ragged to catch up.

"I found her as I circled back. She was up on the cliffs when we passed and she tried to make it to the beach but we had already passed." he said.

Sidney swallowed hard. "Is she hurt?"

Babington shook his head. "I think she is well, but I am no physician. Very cold however. She did not even have a shawl on."

Sidney looked around. "Where is she?"

Babington looked back the way he came. "Crowe took her to GrandView."

Sidney looked deadly as he kicked his already tired horse into a run. "Yah!"

Sir Radmore looked at Lord Babington.

"What is he going to do?" Sir Radmore asked.

Lord Babington sighed and reflected on the actions of his friend. "Nothing respectable I would wager...if I was more of a betting man."

Sir Radmore nodded. "Come, let us be fools along side him so that he and we just seem drunken search party."

Lor Babington nodded and looked at the man who had not entirely been brought into the circle of men but now he wondered if he would.

Their horses kicked into a sprint to catch up with Sidney who was on his own mad dash back to the town.

There was a small crowd gathered outside of Grandview as Sidney galloped to the door and jumped off his horse at the edge of the sand and had enough wherewith all to tie his animal up. Lord Babington and Sir Radmore were coming up the beach and he did not wish to be stopped by him.

He could see the Dr. was just exiting the apartment and Sidney rushed to him.

"Is she alright?" he demanded as he pushed vilontly past one curios man. His face showing just how hot headed he was.

Dr. Foughs nodded. "Just a chill Herr Parker." he looked about at the crowd. "She will likely be fit as a fiddle in a day or two with proper rest, warmth and fluids. But I have already told this to Lady Worcester.

Sidney looked up to the window and cursed wishing to demand entry but such a scene would serve no one save prove she was well.
Lord Babington leaned in. "Would you like me to impose my connection and see if she is well?" he whispered to his friend.

Sidney nodded curtly and his eyes went down to the freshly cobbled street and he winced as his hand shakily went to his mouth. Repressing the overwhelming need to go to her was proving to be just as hard as the day he shut the carriage door on their future.

Lord Babington went to the door and was granted entrance while Sidney paced as Sir Radmore lit and then handed him a smoke.

"Come now man... You are acting as a besotted husband awaiting the birth of a first child." he scoffed.

He cursed and took the smoke but did not light it. "Besotted, love sick," he shook his head and tried not to shout but to takl under his breath in seething words. "Fool!" he shook his head.

"So then it is love." He scoffed. "Too bad. I was thinking she could be a suitable choice to funnel my attentions to."

Sidney seethed and lit his smoke. "Don't let my useless affection for her stop you if you have honorable intention." The words came from his mouth but felt hollow. Seeing her married and happy with another man would be agony. But he would one day endure it. He had too...

"No point. You have already won that race I think." Radmore laughed.

Sidney closed his eyes pained. "I am married."

Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe exited the building as the crowd started to thin.

Sidney tossed the smoke aside uncaring. "Well?" he asked.

Lord Babington smiled. "She is well, my friend. I saw her myself." he said to him. "Her cheeks are rosy, but she is feeling rather foolish for straying so far late in the evening without so much as a coat or a shawl." he looked to Crowe who looked out of sorts himself.

Sidney released a shaking sigh. "Why did she go out without so much as a coat?" he said irritably. Angry even at her foolishness.

Lord Babington shook his head. "I don't know. Women." he said with a shrug. "They are ever mysteries to us men, are they not?" he smiled. "It is late. Let us to our beds."

Sidney stood unmoving for a moment as if absorbing the situation. Reining himself in.

Crowe passed him and handed him a flask which he passed back. "No...I have had enough this night."

His friend nodded and looked up to the window where a figure now stood illuminated by the light behind her. His eyes held hers as he tried to express his concern and frustration to her.

He noted how frightened and tired her features were as she took deep breaths. He hoped she was not crying as she stepped from his view and his heart sank.

Turning he went to his horse to stable him and then off to his bed as his regrets ate him alive. Something must be done but there seemed no solution.
Back at his Sanditon house he looked about and even ventured a peek into Eliza's room. Her bed was undisturbed and he inwardly seethed. Her games were dangerous and he was no no mood to see her so open about it. Especially not now.

Even their servants would know and lord knew that servants talked to other servants and those servants talked to their employers. All the warnings and she would not heed him.

He went to Flora's room and found his little girl asleep and with a heavy sigh he sat on the end of her bed.

"I made a promise." he whispered to himself. "To protect you from the cruelties of this world. Protect you from the actions of your mother..." his voice cracked and shuddered as his hand touched the child's foot covered by the blanket. "No how do I protect you from my own actions?"

He ran a ragged hand through his hair.

"Papa?" her little voice spoke over the silent rage he tethered in the peace of the little girls room.

"Go back to sleep my sweet." he said reaching up and tucking her back in.

Flora sat up stubbornly pushing the fluffy cover back. "Nursie said Miss Heywood gone?"

Sidney swallowed hard. "She is fine, she was found dearest now go back to sleep." he coaxed.

Smiling Flora looked relieved. "Nursie was saying scary things to Momma. That maybe something terrible happened and momma laughed." she said with a big yawn. "I am glad Miss Heywood is not a bloated copus." she said mispronoouncing the word but Sidney understood the meaning.

"Shhh, don't speak or even think of such things my dearest. Those conversations are not for little ears." he said tucking her back into bed.

Leaving her room he went to his study and sat in silence as the clock hours ticked by. He held his Hereclitus in his hand but could not bear to open and read it.

"A mans character is his fate." he whispered to the waining candle light. His body relaxed under that quote.