Friendship And Family

CHAPTER 31. Believe

Maria's POV

St John Community assembled in the church at six o'clock in the morning for Mass; students in their uniforms, and parents in their cooperate wears for work. It was Ash Wednesday. Dad drove us to church, and would take us to school after, so Juliet was off duty.

God of mercy and compassion
Look with pity upon me
Father, let me call thee Father
'Tis thy child returns to thee.

Jesus Lord, I ask for mercy...

The hymn, which was led by the choir, was a sorrowful note to my ears, as though we were all gathered for Mum's funeral. It's true what they say about pain bringing one closer to God, and the Lenten season was that moment for me, because this pain was beyond any burden that I could bear.

"Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return." Father George signed the cross on my forehead, the coolness of the dark paste resonating with his words and, in fear, as I turned around from the queue to my seat, I hoped that Mum's body wouldn't turn cold.

Lent felt different this year, the first we'd had without Mum, and I'd never been so devoted; reciting the rosary, praying the Divine Mercy, and just hoping for a miracle. I felt it deeply on the evenings we had to go for The Stations of the Cross.

"The twelfth station," one of the three Lectors who were lined up horizontally, facing the altar servers and the framed image of the station above the altar servers' heads on the wall, read, "Jesus dies on the cross"-My heart skipped at the word of death like it had been doing whenever we reached this station-"We adore you oh Christ, and we bless you."

"Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world," we all responded, getting down on both knees in reverence.

Reuben, and his fellow altar server, knelt down, each facing the crucifix from either side of it in their purple vestments. They held their candle stand in one hand, while their other hand shielded the candle flame from going off. I looked up at the long, gold crucifix that Francis stood holding in their middle, seeking for grace.

All the way to Calvary
He went for me
He went for me
He went for me
All the way to Calvary
He went for me
He died to set me free...

As the hymn went on, my mind led me to the words of Isaiah fifty-three, and I meditated on it, my heart earnestly praying with it.

♥♡♥♡♥

"It's a season of prayer, fasting, abstinence, and almsgiving. A season of repentance and drawing nearer to God, who's full of compassion..."

I craved that compassion for Mum as I listened to Father's homily. She didn't deserve to be laying half-dead in the hospital, but seated right here on this pew with us, with her family...

Andrew

"...letting go of that hatred you feel towards one another, and seeking peace with God, and your fellow brothers and sisters..."

I felt attacked as I thought about Dad and his betrayal. It had been over ten years, years of neglect and hurting over a broken home. I was indeed consumed by hatred that letting go seemed impossible, and peace? I saw no way around it.

Mathias

"We set ourselves free when we forgive people of the wrongs they've done to us, when we take off that burden and lay it at the foot of the cross..."

I needed that freedom, but how do I forgive a man who for many years made living a life in hell for me? My whole life was built on a foundation of fear, and whenever I look at Dad, I was reminded of the scars.