The God of Death Won't Kill Me

Chapter 1: ERROR

"GOD OF DEATH!" W-wha?

Bang!

"Gods-damnit!" There was definitely gonna be a bruise there tomorrow. The God of Death's temple throbbed, as he swatted away the lamp, drooping over his head. He yawned, and stretched his bones, hear them satisfyingly crack, and pop, which could be expected when you fell asleep playing Xenoblade II, and of course 30,000 years of 'hard' work.

"Master of Decease, Herald of the End, The Only One the Dead Respond to, Emperor of Loss, Pres-" That unfortunately annoying drone of a voice could only belong to his factotum, Thanos.

"Thanos, shut up please, I said just call me Death! I sounds so much cooler than God of Death. Ok, imagine this..." The God of Death sidled up to his over-reactive, and hilariously serious familiar. He snapped his fingers (which he did have to say, he was getting really good at, which weas expected when you've got 28 thousand years to practice) and a thick haze, of a peppery substance settled around them, and crows flew from out of nowhere menacingly.

I've got to get that under control sometimes soon, I can't have myself snapping along to Rise, and have crows flying everywhere. The God of Death posted a mental note in his mind to practice that later, or even get a petition for that, surely a few Gods here and there would agree. He waited until the feathered fiends were gone.

"Ok Thanos, so imagine this... I'm trying to find my way into a club, and..."

"Why would you be inside a club in the first place? When the One Above All hears of this, they won't be content" He buried his head in his hands, Thanos really wasn't good ad imagining things was she?

"It's all hypothetical! Let me speak, so I'm going into a club, and so the guy's registering names, and then when he gets to me, what's he expected to say? He's going through names like Jerald, Edward, Hugo, then he gets to me and... well just look at the mirage."

Through the black haze, shapes started to form, it was like looking through water, the shapes fazed in and out, like a bad television. Eventually the shape of a bouncer appeared, and he filtered through names, with people going in, and out.

"Jerald. Edward. Hugo." Then he looked at his sheet of names and back again, at the God of Death, and slowly slurred out the words in a long and confused sentence. "Master of Decease, Herald of the End, The Only One the Dead Respond to, Emperor of Loss, God of-" He stopped the mirage there, and mist cleared.

"You see?! It'd be so much easier just to call me Death, and much cooler too"

"Wait..." Thanos raised her horns (she didn't have any eyebrows, so if she was sceptical, she'd raise his horns, or in his experience anyway) "You took all that time to explain to me to call you Death? You could've just said call me Death you know"

"I JUST TOLD YOU THAT 50 YEARS BACK!!!" His assistant just bowed her head, remembering back to 50 years ago.

"50 years ago you were still playing Super Mario Bros for a whole century"

"No I was not"

"You were, I can show you footage" The God of Death just let out an exasperated sigh, and gave up, knowing him, he probably was.

"No, no need Thanos, just get to the point, why are you here?" In all truth, he just wanted this over and done with, so that he could get back to Xenoblade II.

"Erm, well you see..." Uninterested in whatever babble Thanos was going to say next, He clicked open his Nintendo Switch controllers, and began to play. "The God of Mourning, said that he was getting an unprecedented number of tears, and wails, over the recent 3 Moon Cycles, and he believes that you may have caused some enchantment to do this"