When we fall in love, and things did not work out, we feel like it is the end of the world.
We indulge in the pain through sad songs, sad movies and we keep ruminating our mistakes, carefully crafting our hope with " what if" or " I should have".
Why is heartbreak so painful?
Because we think our love experience is unique, one of a kind, and that no one else experience it as painfully as we did.
Because we think the love we find is the greatest of them all, and that we will never find another that will give us such of an experience.
Because we have such high hope with that person, and that we think we will never find another person that can match the one that leave us.
Because we think it is a misunderstanding that can be fixed, but why is she/he not giving us the chance to clear things up? ( The truth is, the other person is not stupid, and if he/ she refused to stay in touch with you or listen to your explanation, most probably, it is not a misunderstanding. He/ She decided to end the relationship and there's nothing you can do to clear the misunderstanding, because there is NO misunderstanding. Just another person that refuse to continue the relationship.
I understand that there is no way someone could ever tell you that you should simply 'get over it.' Because 'you don't understand.'
Yes that is true, everyone has it differently.
One person will say my heartbreak is the worse, because of the timing. We were already engaged before he cancel.
Another person said mine is worse, because he left me with another woman that is not even on my level, AND THEY GET MARRIED.
Trust me, there will be one or two whose story's includes being voodoo, being sent psychic attacks, being framed, etc.
Oh, and the parents who gets involved and ruined everything? Yep, whether they meant well, just giving advice perhaps, or they outright prevent you from being with your lover; These story are way too often.
So is there anything unique about these? nope, no matter how complicated, no matter how many people involved, none of your heart break is special. There are other people who experience it too.
And as you goes on with life you'll move on faster. Why? Because you realize it is such a waste of time to stay in relationship with someone that is not there anymore.
I remember wasting three years, ruminating a relationship that is not there anymore. Such a waste of my time. You need to move on with your life. Another way to get over a difficult heartbreak, is to love your self more. To keep self investing and going for a better experience in life. Take lessons, make friends, volunteer, watch movies, learn to paint, learn to bake, go on a trip. There is too many things to do to stay broken for a lover that has already move on.
If they have blocked you, stop replying your text, they have moved on. Stop lying to yourselves that he/ she is still in love with you, that he/ she still cares for you. ' I know he loves me more than his new girlfriend, he has practical reason in dating his new girl." is just another examples how we lie to ourselves because we refuse to move on.
Whether the other person still loves you or not depends on their action, not your imagination. Stop giving yourselves excuses " oh, he is shy." " oh he is guilty." and such. Chances is, he might be guilty, or he might be shy, but if he doesn't repy you, and he doesn't text you back, you have to understand that it is over. Regardless wheter he still has feelings for you or not.
Oh but such a waste, I don't think I could find another like him. This happens all the time. Hope is the last thing that died. Because we keep telling ourselves we won't find anyone better. The truth is, you will find many people that are better!!, if only you could first, move on.
Some of the danger that could happen in heartbreak: Blaming yourself, and unable to forgive ourselves and others.
How do we move on? First we must shift our focus on other things. It is Ok to admit that you are in pain, but it is not OK to refuse to move from there.
1. Open to new things, here you have to be more creative and willing. ( not willful in geting back with her/ him. but willing to give other people a chance. Not a chance to fall in love again immediately, but to make new friends and experience new things. )
2. Taking new courses, learning new skills.
3. Making new friends.
4. Dedicate your time more to your family and/ or friends.
5. volunteer, find your passion.
6. You can even go on a trip alone
7. You can hire a photographer to take photos of yourselves so you can learn to give/ love yourself more.
8. Hit the gym, Go to Church/ temples, join a community.
Trust me if you have done this, you might not be the happiest person still, but there will be other affairs/ drama/ problem to the point that you will slowly, have no time, to think about that person that sadly lost their chance to be with you.
