Don't Want to Admit It | Mini Bangchan FF COMPLETED

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(a/n: watch the video above for context)
6/10/2020

Dear Crystal,

Its been about 6 months since you... you know.

Died.

I really miss you even after what you did. I'm just wondering, did you ever think of me after that day? You really upset me, you know. I know I say this a lot in my letters but we were together for years, and then you just decided to leave me.

Why would you lie to me? I'll never forget that day. I don't think I'll ever get over you. I just wish you stayed. You're probably super annoyed watching me in heaven, but I'm trying to cope. It's hard, though. I really truly thought you loved me.

Anyway, in two days will be our anniversary, not that it matters. Do you remember the day I asked you out?

It was 8 years ago, and we were in high school. I left you a note in your locker. Do you still have it? Probably not, but its okay. Do you remember what I wrote? I asked you to meet me in the courtyard after school. I remember your favorite movie (I forgot the name, sorry) had a confession scene, and I wanted to copy it. So after school, you waited in the courtyard. I had been rehearsing this for weeks. I was hiding in the bushes, and I had a white rose in my hand. The movie had a red rose, but you told me once that you think white roses are prettier. It was really hard to find, and it was expensive, but I had saved up some money to buy it for you. I never told you, but my parents at that time didn't really give me allowance, so I did some stuff for a couple of the popular kids so that I could get some extra money. They weren't very nice, though. One of them spit on me, but it's okay. I knew I had to get that rose one way or another. I was nervous, too. You could've said no, which would've ruined our friendship. But I thought that maybe we could be something more. I could be something more. Something more than the weird kid that you hang out with at lunch. So I risked it.

I went up behind you, remember? The rose was behind me. I remember exactly what you said.

"Chan?"

You were the only person who called me by that name. It made me feel special in the strangest way.

"What are you doing here? Why is your face so red? Are you sick?" you asked, touching my burning forehead. But I wasn't sick.

I was starstruck.

The sun was starting to set, and I knew I had to make it fast.

I told you I liked you. I told you I thought of you as more than just a friend. I told you that I really wanted us to be more than friends, to be boyfriend and girlfriend, you know? I presented the rose, my hands shaking.

You stared at me for a few seconds, and I remember thinking how beautiful your eyes are, and that I might never see them again if you said no.

Time seemed to stop. It was the worst ten seconds of my life, for sure.

Then you hugged me. And you said yes! Remember? You said yes! I couldn't begin to describe the pure happiness I felt in that moment. I finally had the girl of my dreams.

But it makes me that much more upset that you decided to just lie to me. To leave me.

But it's okay. I understand. Even now, I still love you. And I'm trying my hardest to get over you, but it seems impossible.

Anyway, its starting to get late here, and the cemetery closes soon. I hope you're okay up there.

Love,
Your Channie

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