My Life

Anger

I can't. I can't do this anymore. I'm not thinking of ending my life...but I kind of just wish I'd vanish and go somewhere else where they can't find me. I've had it with them. I've suppressed my emotions for so long and I've kept it bottled up inside me for so long, I haven't cried in so long. But then I just did.

Tears Tears Tears Tears Tears Tears Tears Tears Tears. Pouring, and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring. They just keep coming out and out and out. I'm pulling my hair and pulling and pulling. Pulling and pulling down at my cheeks that are somehow still attached to my face. My teeth are grinding up against each other and each second I continue to put more and more and more and more and more and more force on them to the point that I felt like they were going to shatter.

My arm hurts. It still hasn't recovered from the other day. I thought that if it was sprained before it might as well be broken now. It hurts, so bad it stings. My back hurts, my ankle hurts. I can still feel the pain of where the mark was left, was it on my leg? My ankle? My back? My arm? My head? I don't know. Maybe it was all of those places. I don't know.

What happened in those few minutes? I don't know. It was quick. I was aggravated. I made the first move. I kicked them because they were bothering me. They were constantly saying things, horrible things. I could feel as though they were about to make the first move so I did instead.

I knew what was going to happen. So I stood there for a few seconds, realising what I'd done, the mistake I just made. I should've just taken the harsh words. I ran back and in defence tried using my legs from the incoming attack.

It didn't work....I was unable to guard against this beast that I once knew. One. Two. Three marks on the same spot. My leg. One. Two. Three. On my back. One. Two. Three. Near my hip. One. Two. Three. On my arm. One. On my head. Or was it more? I don't know. I don't remember. It all happened so quick.

I was standing up, and then the next thing I knew I was restrained from making any movements. My body hurts. Their hands on my head. What were they going to do? Words and words and words and words and words and words and words and words and words coming into one ear and out the other. Meaningless words. I wasn't focusing. I couldn't hear. It felt like a blur. But I don't know if it was.

Help. That's what I saying. Help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help. No one could hear. They couldn't hear because I couldn't speak. I could hear shouting into my ear, WORDS WORDS WORDS and WORDS. I couldn't move. I couldn't shout. I couldn't hear. I couldn't see.

But someone heard, not my screams. But their shouting. I was saved. But I wasn't. I was helped but I wasn't. They went but I was still there.

I wasn't saved from anything. I wasn't helped. Not as my built up emotions exploded and I cried. I cried and cried and cried. My teeth clenched together, my face scrunched up, my pillow wet, my mattress wet. My face...wet. I felt full of emotion but I felt emotionless too. I couldn't make a sound, otherwise they'd come after me again. That is what I fear, them coming back.

So I cried...Silently.