Misconstrue

"FIFTEEN and no husband."

The sound of a scraping chair is drowned out by the chatter in the lunchroom, and for once I'm thankful for the noise. If everyone around me is preoccupied with their lunches and their conversations then no one will look this way.

I'm the personification of anxiousness. A leaf trembling under the weight of a single raindrop. My mind is currently a maze of unanswered questions all overlapping with scenarios that have no end. 

The only way through this is to figure out what's causing these types of feelings, and for the first time in a long time I know what that is. Well, I guess I should say who that is. 

There's a list in my notes spelling out the pros and cons of what went down yesterday. The cons are actually longer than the pros and I can't say I'm surprised. At some point during my shift, I decided to not think about anything to do with lips, kissing, men, Spain and football.

I failed of course. I'm on outpatient rotation this week so I've been encountering most of the above. I kept Spain out of my mind entirely, but forcing myself to forget about kissing Emilio is actually one of the hardest things I've had to do. I liked every moment of it. The softness of his lips, the way how he was gentle with me, the taste of his tongue.

Gosh!

It doesn't help that I'm actually ovulating this week. Each time Emilio's name pops up on my phone screen I remember his lips, and then I imagine them on other places. That's not healthy. I need to have a clear mind so I can deal with this situation.

And I must admit, ignoring Emilio after the kiss is making me feel worse. He's the other party to this situation, I should at least try to hear him out. To make matters worse, I'm looking at him right now courtesy of the TV in the lunch room. So much for not thinking about football.

"...Casemiro's a little aggressive today, isn't he?"

I turn my head from the TV as the sound of Emilio's name catches my attention. Two orderlies who I didn't notice before are also paying attention to the game. If Emilio's playing a little rough, I honestly wouldn't have realized since I'm too focused on the red bruise on his lips.

I didn't expect it to completely fade overnight but it should've at least faded in colour. Jesus. I can't believe I bit him! I was like a feral feline on crack. I hold my head down out of embarrassment and shame. 

"Hey." I look up in a flash with a frown on my face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you."

"You're good." The uninvited male is so tall that he's blocking the view of the TV. His hair is short and spiked, which kinda reminds me of those young heartthrob actors from the 2000's. 

"I'm Christian. I started my specialty training in cardiology around the same time you started FY1." I nod with a polite smile. "Mind if I sit for a second?"

Yes. Please get out my face.

"No, go ahead." Gosh, I'm so fake. "My break is almost over though."

"Oh, I won't be too long." Christopher smiles at me as he pulls the other chair out. He pushes his glasses closer to his face. "I actually sit on the social committee for the junior doctors."

I raise my eyebrows at that. "There's a social committee?"

Christian chuckles with a nod. "Yeah. We got funding so we get to do fun events. Speaking of which, you didn't show up to the mixer for the FY1's."

"I didn't think it was mandatory." I exhale. I guess I should just welcome the distraction from my current dilemma.

Christian laughs. "Our events aren't normally mandatory. I also realize that you weren't at the other three events we've had so far. The next one is curling, you should come."