safe haven │ larry stylinson

9

Harry's POV
"Well, at least hide it a little, please? No dresses and feminine stuff"
"Won't promise that but I will try to. I don't want to make any problems"

In fact that was true. He wanted these 6 months to pass as fast as possible and didn't want to make any problems. But he had decided that he wouldn't let them change him ever again. He worked so hard to be who he was on stage and there was no way he would let them destroy that again.

When he left the office, a few paparazzi were waiting on him. He hid his face behind his hand, made his way to the car and didn't answer any of their questions. "How's your girlfriend, Kendall?" "Are you gay?" "Will there be a One Direction comeback?" "Will there be a bigger tour?" "Are you currently writing a new album?" "Do you cooperate with Simon Cowell again?"

He just wanted to be on his own. He drove back home still thinking about Simon's words. Meanwhile he was sure that the boys didn't want him in the band anymore. He was sure they hated him. But his thoughts didn't fit with Louis kissing him. Why would he do that? To make fun of him? To show him what he couldn't have? To make him realize how weak he was?Harry wouldn't get an answer, that's why he decided to pretend that it didn't happen. Louis had been drunk and probably wouldn't even remember. He wouldn't talk about it and just forget about it. More like pretend to forget, he thought. Louis Tomlinson wouldn't get to break his heart again after he had just managed to pick up all the pieces.

Louis' POV
Louis had a hangover. He didn't know what had happened after Harry's concert. The last thing he remembered was drinking with Niall and the guy from Harry's band - he had forgotten his name.
His headache felt worse than ever as he swallowed a aspirin. He decided to just stay in bed all day.

Laying down, Louis tried to remember the last night but effortless. He wouldn't remember anything. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe I should forget the whole night, forget how fucking attractive Harry had looked and forget how he had moved the whole night, forget his smell and his eyes, he thought. He wished he could forget everything, turn back time and undo his actions.
He wished for his mother. Being able to talk to her again, asking her what to do. He breathed in and out deeply. He missed her.

Flashback
"Mum, I don't know what to do. He's my fucking band mate-" "Language, Louis!" His mother looked at him, smiling.
"Oh c'mon mum. Just tell me what's wrong with me. Please"
"There's nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. You are in love"
"But it's HARRY!"
"Yes it is? Lou, there's nothing wrong with you. You love him"
"But- he's my band mate, my brother. This can't be-"
He looked at his mother, scared.
"Why can't this be? Lou, if he makes you feel happy, go for it. Tell him"
"But he'll hate me. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if I destroy everything we have?"
"Darling. You won't destroy anything. It will be fine. Believe me."
End of Flashback

Harry's POV
The next few days, Harry had a lot of appointments with journalists. He was glad to be distracted from the situation with Louis. He hadn't enough time to think about it during the day. But the nights were hard. He cried a lot but most of all he hated himself for being the way he was. He felt pathetic.

He knew that he needed to talk to somebody. So he took out his phone and dialed the number of his therapist. The man had been the one to help him feeling confident with who he was. He had helped him to be proud of himself and most of all he had helped him to get his shit together. Because of the tour they had stopped the weekly appointments but Harry knew that he needed him.

Not even one day later he sat in the chair opposite of his therapist. Dr. Louthner - Joffrey as he should call him - smiled at him.
"How's your day, Harry?"
He didn't know what to answer. This little question was already too much.
"Ok, I guess?"
"You guess?"
"The last few days were very busy..and I didn't get much sleep so.. for today I'm doing ok, I guess.."
"Busy with what?"
"Appointments, interviews and stuff"
"What did you talk about?"
"The tour, my music, fashion.. Same as always"
"And why don't you get much sleep? What's keeping you awake?"
"Thoughts"
"About what?"
"About..well.. Nothing can leave this room, right?"
"Right. Nobody gets to hear what you're telling me, Harry."
"So.. There will be a One Direction Tour because of the 10th Anniversary.. 6 months.. They don't want me in but I have to be a part of it according to the management.. And they watched my last show on Saturday. And after, they ate with us and after, Louis kissed me- and I don't know. It's so fucked up. I'm so fucked up"
He ran his fingers through his hair looking at his therapist in fear.

"Hold up. What?"
Tears were visible in his eyes as Harry started to explain everything.
"And you think they don't want you in?"
He nodded. "It's obvious.. I was the redundant one always- they don't need me"
"Shut it right here, Harry. Why do you think of yourself like that? Have they told you?"
"No but-"
"How do you know then?"
"It's just how it is. They never needed me. At nearly every show, there were signs saying that I should leave. Online I was told that I wasn't good enough. That I wasn't needed. And I truly wasn't. My voice isn't special. Zayn and Liam got the high notes covered. I was told I couldn't reach them. I shouldn't even try to. I was good enough to sing the minor hard ones sometimes. But we all knew that Niall or Louis or Liam were more than able to sing them too. Sometimes the management would turn of Niall's microphone because they said he wasn't good enough. He was but that's not the point. They always told us what we had to be and what we had to do. Everyone had his place in the band, his role. I was just the womanizer. The manwhore. Sometimes the fag. That was my role. And I hated everything about it because that wasn't me. I wasn't into all those women. I wasn't who they made me. So when Simon told me that they had tried to do this without me- I know that they didn't want me in. Because I annoyed them. And I can't even be mad about it. I still don't fit in. This time in another way"

Tears ran down his cheeks as he remembered all the pain. All the things he had read online and on signs. Most of all, the thought of the boys not needing or not wanting him hurt. He knew he needed them in a way he wished he didn't. They were family, like brothers, and they would always be to him even though he wasn't in their eyes as he assumed. 
"Well, you assume things Harry. You have to talk to them. Where did your confidence go the last weeks, Harry?"
"It was buried the moment I saw him again"