Short of description

slice

I think you guys deserve an update but I'm not very picture esque at the moment.
But I belive I can still fill desires in the empty spaces and corners of broken hearts.

I needed a place to vent and I couldn't find one....
So I'm borrowing this I guess...

Here we go.

I wonder how we became this way, how we changed we used to be close enough that we could feel each other's thoughts, we used to laugh how easy it came to us, the way we would have the time to have enough moments to conceal sadness of ruptured crackes getting fixed day by day making us more perfect in a moulded sculptor.
But then it changed I saw it the first. I had the knack and you knew it.
That is especially why you didn't belive,
I remember the first time I faked our forever, when my hands grew a lil strained, my smile a little plastic and small like one of those rounded ones without an edge that you say before clicking a picture.

And then I made the first brick, i hit it hard shocking you, the first step of walking away, i moved actually
Not a walk a fast car finishing road line
I crossed it.

You and I both said I love you and said we will work.
Like our friend was work.
The summers became landmines where I wasn't your first call home.
Every step was a undisturbed moment where I forgot missing you.

You weren't dumb our 8 years of friendship the title of best friend was there but friends was a comfy little tack then
too close for me to say love and like
Just a thine weathering line of yes

And then we became landscapes a whole world of different
Like miles of piles and buildings
We rose
Our teammates changed
Our mind wouldn't even comprehend in each others words
Or texts
Google couldn't help
I swear I tried

And then my imagination caused it
Cause I had the knack again
That stupid knack that told me the bitter distance.
For months we won't bare feels
But we would pour it one night and that would be that
The summers were hot but they weren't for me
Cause winter was setting in our minds
Castles pyramids temples churches
They all cluttered into a bag of evolution
And sadness only caught us through

In sadness we would call
Emotions clanged together
A vessel of hope but mordernly incorrect

And now you are in grief and I can't be with you.
You are in pain I've felt but
I'm not your first call
Not even the last
In fact just a glimpse of a gaping ghost that slips in and out of sight
Not quite there but surely seen once

And it's okay we are gonna change again
Cause my knack said so
I believe
And we are gonna turn into different individuals without friend ship
But this time you said
I had to shut up before I'll regret it
Space you said
You need that
A thing called space that's how we became this love
Don't you get it?

Isn't it exhausting? Caring about someones opinion constantly?

I hope my voice has desperation
Cause that's what it's like living without you its not like my heart is ripping apart, it's not like breathing with no air, it's not anything like that.
its slow, its sickening slow one moment I look back to see you coming and then it hits, that terrifying absence.
That limit that says it's over.
And in that moment
I go back to our memories in that one hit it leaves me gasping for air, it leaves me hurt.
But not heart broken
Cause I always miss you in every glace I give this world
It's like I'm trying to fit two hearts in one.
And it jabs at my ribcage, it drips blood, it's like my soul is not enough
Its collapsed like a futile body after use
It's like women raped, its ruthless and snakelike
Its cunning and it hits on my head again and again and again
Cause every second I blink is a reminder of this loss, of this unimaginable world of limitations, of what could have been.
And it all comes back like a scythe without a blade
Cause it doesn't hurt at all.
But always does
A nubbing pain
A dragging sort of pain
A pain without the conscious of you.
Yet of you in everything.
Where everything looks like you, in its every shape
You sitting in a chair
You slammed against a pole
You kneeling on the road side
You trying to fix a lamp desk
You screaming at me for being not enough
You surrounded in a tiny little skull of mind
Gripping me from inside my chest
Trembling and crying Filling my lungs up in poison
My neck in spit That I can't even swallow
It all comes back
Like Granade