Feren had fewer answers than he had started with at the beginning of his trek with Amelia. Conflicting feelings tumulted in his head. The beat of his heart in his chest still raced thinking of her hands on his skin – finally acknowledging him; finally approaching him. Why had she drawn away again?
The interaction only solidified his decision in his head. He would leave. He would return to Firica, and he would do his best to stop or slow Andrew's forces and buy these voerr some time. Maybe he would find a few stragglers left behind and ensure their safe passage home. He would do something. Anything. It was better than staying there, locked away out of obligation to this girl who would be better off left alone.
Had she loved him out of desperation? Had he loved her out of fear of being alone again? Or had their love been real, and time had ruined them both?
His longing felt so real. The longing to feel her; to hold her; to be loved by her. All things he would be better off not being near for.
Feren packed his things. Weapons, mostly... some extra layers of clothes, a few scraps of non-perishable food items, a water skin. He hid the items one piece at a time behind a tree in the woods not far off so that the others would not be able to suspect him. The collection was further hidden buried beneath the snow so passing seekers would not betray him. The area was of his own assigned watch territory, but he did not trust Abett would keep to his own space.
Guilt sat in his gut, but so did determination. He knew it was the right thing to do, but still he questioned his own motives.
Feren was walking down the hall after being unable to stomach much at dinner, intending to find Teeknan. He and Varkner had traveled many times into Firica and back, with much success on at least the last two trips. He would have some insight on routes to take, and Feren had some inclination that Teeknan would at least be able to keep his mouth shut long enough for Feren to cross the border.
The distant sound of Amelia's voice made his footsteps slow and stop. Her words sang to him from a room only a few paces down. Mubarak's study.
"I believe I am close. But every step forward also pushes me backwards. I know what I must do, though the will to do it seems so far at times."
"It will come in time, Kiari. You are your father's daughter."
"I still cannot help this feeling," she said softly. "I am still so far behind. I don't feel like I will ever be able to come back, or even to sense in this arm again. I am afraid that... if I am unable to complete even these simple tasks, perhaps it would be better to –" Her voice faltered, and a long pause followed it.
"Lift your eyes, Amelia. You are defeated only when you decide that you have been defeated. Your place is here, beside your brother and Abett. While going with these women may offer them some peace, your place is wherever you have family. For now, that is here. It will come."
"May we speak tomorrow? I came upon some questions in this last study. I must review the next, however, before I can speak on it."
"Of course. Though you should allow yourself one night of rest. Read no more for now. We will continue tomorrow."
Feren still stood there, having been scared to walk past the room and also curious to listen. He started slightly when Amelia's figure brisked out the door and turned in such great thought she did not notice Feren standing in the other direction.
He waited until she was gone to consider moving again. The urge to catch up to her quickly dissipated. Once she was well around the corner and beyond, he continued on his way. Was Teeknan in his quarters, or meeting with someone as well?
