Black Parasite

1

I never really felt quite sound. No I wasn't necessarily throwing plates at the wall or breaking doors but I've never felt stable. I wasn't quite sure of who I was and who I wanted to be so instead, I buried it. And it made me hate myself and everyone around me from time to time but mostly myself.

I had few joys in life but sometimes they didn't seem like enough. I often contemplated what it would feel like to die, not a gruesome death but to simply not exist, to feel nothing yet exist with the silence. When I was little, the thought of not existing scared me but when you don't exist, you don't feel and that was simply enough for me in this moment.

I was in year 2 of university when everything was falling apart. From my love life to my mental health but I guess that's part of getting through young adulthood. The world didn't necessarily fall apart, that's mostly fiction but some shit did go seriously wrong, from the sickness to the constant moving and well things have gained some stability or at least we cling to that idea.

The depression had me fucked up, gained some new cavities and I sat, legs stretched and crumbled in the waiting room. It was practically empty except for one other person. He sat across from me, about two seats down.

I hadn't noticed him his particular features when I first came in but after having been bored, awaiting to make one fucking appointment with no secretary in sight, I perused the room and caught sight of him from the corner of my eye before looking back at my phone.

My ears picked up a sound and I looked across at him on instinct. 

"Here for an appointment?" He asked.

I feared stuttering like the ass I am but settled to just nod before saying, "Y-Yeah...Why do you ask?"

"Been coming here a few years and well...I hate to break it to you kid, they don't adhere to the standard 12 to 1 lunch hour. The secretary's the dentist's mother in law so she comes and goes as she pleases and the next worker isn't coming in for another two hours,"

Well fuck, between the annoyance of wasting my time and realizing that he was actually kind of good looking, I stared aimlessly before remembering that I shouldn't unintentionally make him think I was a creep.

"Oh...Well. I guess I should be going then...T-Thanks."

Unfortunately, I hadn't left for more than a few seconds before the rain came down heavily and I ended up drenched on the way home. Time became less important with age to me, it felt mind numbing and made me feel like I should just stab myself in the gut.

I mean, I was too much of a wuss to do that but it wasn't going to stop me from thinking about it. For once tonight, the house was empty and with boredom and stress taking over, I decided that I might as well take advantage of it.

I stretched my arms upward until the cracked and settled into my too small bed for the night. After slithering out of my underwear, I licked the tip of my index finger and reached down and exhaled trying to relax my muscles as I gently rubbed my wet touch against my clitoris. It felt well enough but the additional muscle tension that had taken over my body had been making it harder and harder to enjoy even the simplest pleasures of life, not even my dildo helped this time around.

So I pulled up from romance anime on my laptop and decided to enjoy until sleep was ready to hit me. My phone dinged and I picked it up, responding to one of the unread chats neglecting the others.

I felt sad and without much to do, I tapped on my dating app and turned on the visibility button on my profile. I kept swiping and swiping with no one interesting in mind until I came across a face I didn't quite expect.

It was the guy from earlier. He had about 3 to 4 pictures up and they definitely did him justice. Although, it was strange comparing the two different perspectives of him. Back in the waiting room, his twist out was more on the messy side, tie loosened and face set in a miserable expression whereas in his pictures, his twists were immaculate, his brown eyes glowed and he had the sweetest of smiles.

Yes, I honestly just wanted to have sex with him but he seemed really cute until I looked down at his age. I rolled onto my stomach and groaned. He was a solid 28 and I was a good old 22. I didn't really have an issue with the age difference, only I lied, I kind of did. 

I mean, we were both in our twenties so it shouldn't matter that much but it was still a matter of 6 years, assuming that he wasn't turning 29 soon. I inhaled and swiped my acceptance on him before I pussied out. I sighed, tossing my phone aside before calling it a night because as of right now, what I did not need was another form of rejection.

Some time into the night, my phone buzzed and I grunted, kicking it lower on the bed. Starving and feeling the acid attacking my stomach, I got up for a glass of water and returned to bed. I reached over, scrolling through whatever notifications I had before checking an update on my app.

It was a guy who I had messaged maybe three weeks ago who responded to my 'hey' with a dick pic so I decided that that wasn't good for my soul and deleted it contact. The app seemed to be giving trouble until I realize lower down, beyond the rest of the persons I ignored, there was a new connection on the dating app.

"Fuck." I whispered to myself, the waiting room guy didn't ignore me. He actually answered...