Wear it like a crown

chapter 10

Some minutes into the drive back from Louis’ place, Harry had tried to shove everything away and blank out completely. While the motions of the car had helped slow down his spinning thoughts, they’d still sparked and sizzled behind his closed lids. When the car pulled to a halt and the engine shut off, Harry blinked his eyes open, the sudden sense of vertigo like a punch to his sternum.

“We’re here,” Zach told him, tone gentle.

Inhaling deeply, Harry looked up at his flat. Through the car's tinted windowpane, the world took on a grey hue, sad and tired. God, he couldn't go up there. Right now, just the idea of facing his empty flat, littered with tiny traces of Louis' presence—no. This was too close, too personal for Harry to see clearly. He couldn’t do this alone.

Sinking back into the upholstery, Harry fought to control the disorientation weighing him down. “Sorry, I should have...” Shaking his head, he slid down further. “Can you take me to Niall’s instead? Please.”

“Of course,” Zach said smoothly. A moment passed before he added, careful, “Are you all right, Harry?”

Not even a little.

Harry dragged up a smile and hoped it didn’t look like quite as much of a grimace as it felt. “I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

With that, he closed his eyes again and waited for the rumble of the engine, thrumming in his blood and in his bones.

It wasn’t a long drive, Niall and Barbara having moved into a flat near Hyde Park a couple of months ago, but it felt as though time was elastic. Ten minutes stretched to span twice their usual length. When Zach informed him they’d arrived, Harry managed another smile.

He let a group of tourists pass before he scrambled out of the car and told Zach he’d call once he was ready to go back. Or maybe he’d just call a taxi. At some point, he’d have to stop hiding from the world—especially now that he, Zayn and Niall had booked flights to Brazil for next Saturday in time for the third English match. Nick was supposed to leak the news of Harry’s planned attendance tomorrow, giving them a chance to address reactions.

It would be good to get out of London for a bit.

Harry hunched into himself as he rang the bell, his back to the street, glancing up at the security camera above the door. It was Barbara’s voice that came through the intercom, a hint of laughter in her words. “Didn’t we just leave your flat, H? Zayn might be onto something with that codependency thing, you know.”

For the first time, it occurred to Harry that he should have called ahead; Barbara had been out of the country for work a fair amount recently and couldn't make it to Brazil either, so Harry taking away from the time she and Niall got to spend together... Selfish.

“I’m so sorry, Babs. I didn’t mean—I need to talk to Niall, but if this is a bad time...”

“Shut it,” she told him. “You’re always welcome here, you know that. Come on up.”

The buzzer sounded a moment later, and Harry stepped into the building, breathing a little more easily already. They were on the ground floor, Barbara awaiting him in the doorway and pulling him into a tight hug as soon as she’d taken one look at him. She must have come straight from the shower, wearing a bathrobe with her hair hidden under a towel turban. Niall appeared behind her a moment later, still drying off.

Shit. Harry really shouldn’t have barged in on them like this.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated, and Niall gave him a light shove.

“Shut it,” he said, just like Barbara had. “You look like shit, mate. Do we need hard alcohol, or will beer do?”

“Vodka straight from the bottle?” Harry asked, turning into Niall’s embrace while Barbara patted him on the back and retreated with a warm, “Be good, boys.”