Bullied By My Brothers

Chapter 29 - I'm Nervous

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I walked back to where everyone else was standing. 

I was still smiling at Austin's words. 

"Ellie, honey, please talk to us," My dad said. 

I nodded and walked over to my parents. 

"Sit down," my mom said. 

So, I did. 

"Why didn't you tell us that you wanted to die?" My dad asked. 

"I mean, you guys were always busy. You never had time for me," I said. 

They looked sad. 

But, wasn't I supposed to be the one to be sad?

"Sweetie we're so sor—" my mom said, but she stopped herself. She looked shocked. 

"What?" I asked her. 

"What's that mark on your arm?" She asked. 

"I...I cut myself. But, you wouldn't know that because you don't pay attention to me," I said. 

I felt so sad, and useless. But, I know I shouldn't. 

Everything will be okay. 

You're Beautiful. Every day, in every way! 

I don't know what I would do if Austin hadn't been there with me. I could've died twice...but he saved me. Well, the second time, technically I did die but recovered. 

Right when my brothers walked out, back when I was 'dead' they called 911. 

The paramedics had shown up. But, since I'm fine, they don't need to take me to the hospital. But they said that I need to lay low for the next few days. You know, stay in bed, watch tv, read books on Wattpad. All that stuff. 

"Honey, we're so sorry. I want you to know that. We will try our very hardest to be there for you,  I promise." My mom said. 

"We promise," my dad said. 

"We've just been so busy with working lately that we really haven't gotten a lot of time together, as a family. But, let's spend time together tomorrow, we'll take tomorrow off. Okay?" My mom said. 

"Fine," I said. 

They smiled and nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go talk to Anna and Zach."

This is my only chance to talk to them. I need to. 

"Okay," my dad said. 

I got up and walked over to where Anna and Zach were standing. They noticed me, they looked sad. 

Why does everyone look so sad, all the time, like especially, today?

"Hi," I began. 

I don't know why I'm so nervous. Maybe, because Zach saw Austin kissing me in the cafeteria yesterday and now he's giving me the silent treatment. And I trusted him with my past, but he betrayed me. And so did Anna. 

I'm nervous because I saw Anna texting my ex. I'm nervous because I don't know what to say except 'hi' which I already said, so now I don't know what to do. I'm nervous because what if they're dating? I'm nervous because of what Austin did. I'm nervous because...

what if I try to kill myself, again? 

I don't want to anymore. But, I might try and do it, without thinking. I mean, how would I know if I would do it again or not? I can barely trust myself anymore. 

I want to be set free. 

I want to survive. 

I just realized...

I survived suicide.