LEGACY ─ marvel

XVII. The Gamma Chamber

Chapter Seventeen
Bucky

The kids were able to fall asleep, but Sam and Jade weren't, their minds too occupied with what's happened today. I'm right there with them. We tried to stay strong for the sake of the kids, but with them now asleep, I feel like the three of us can take time to take comfort in one another and mourn our friend. We're currently sitting in the opposite corner as the kids, passing around a small flask of scotch, John's favorite drink.

"When John lived with us for a few months after the disaster with those three enhanced kids, he took a shot at baking," Sam says with a soft chuckle. "He was terrible at it. He attempted to bake a cake, it was inedible."

Jade laughs along with him, wiping a tear away. "At least he tried. He tried a lot of new things when he lived with us, I think he was trying to distract himself..." She trails off, her smile beginning to fade.

"From Lena and Livy," I finish for her, having known why he moved in with them for that period of time since it happened. "I know, I've always known. He and I talked about his feelings for her a long time ago, yesterday wasn't the first time he had admitted that to me."

"Was it ever hard?" Jade inquires. "Being friends with a man who was in love with your wife?"

I shake my head, taking a swig of the scotch. "I of all people understand being in love with her, so no. If he had tried to sabotage my relationship or hurt either one of us it would have been different, but that wasn't John."

Sam shakes his head, using his thumb to wipe away a tear falling from his lashes. "If John could have picked the way he would go out, it would have been protecting Soroya, which is exactly what he did. His sacrifice ensures we get her back."

I lean my head back against the wall, my heart sinking even lower as I realize something: "The Savage said that Soroya can see and hear everything happening. She watched herself kill John...it's going to take her a long time to come to terms with that."

"She's strong, she'll get through it." Jade tries to reassure me.

"When I got out of HYDRA, when I was dealing with the guilt and anger and shame that I felt after being brainwashed, she was there for me. She was the one who helped piece me back together, and there were so many times when I could see how much my pain was hurting her. Now she's going to have to endure the same thing, that same guilt, anger, and shame...and I don't know if I'm strong enough to help her through it. How can I keep a brave face for her, be her rock when I have to watch her go through what I went through?"

"That's not what she needs," A quiet voice answers. I turn my head to see Analiese staring at me, taking off a large pair of gloves she had to tie on in order to make them fit.  "Soroya doesn't need you to keep a brave face for her, she needs you to show her that you know how she's feeling. That's what she did for me."

"I think it's a little different," I snap back, trying to clear my throat, feeling it grow thicker by the second, my eyes beginning to mist. "You were in control of yourself, she isn't. When she comes back, she'll blame herself for every life she took, every word she said, when it wasn't her fault. What you did was your fault."

Analiese's lips press into a thin line, but instead of her tone coming off angry, it comes off somber. "I know that, you don't think I know that? I know that my feelings of guilt and shame are justified and hers aren't, none of yours are, but that doesn't really matter does it? Whether any of us deserve to feel it or not, we do. I know all of you have dealt with the same emotions, the same trauma, it's why you're all so tight knit. Soroya will need you all to show her that she isn't alone."