Written In The Stars

Chapter Forty Four

I tried to make this chapter longer for you guys! I know how annoying it can be waiting forever for a chapter and then only have it be 3 pages long, I hope you enjoy though!

EMERSON

The conversation fell silent for what felt like an eternity, Kimmy's sniffles and her tears stricken eyes  pounding in my ears. My hands felt clammy from the awkwardness and most importantly, the guilt.

Was I making the right choice?

Of course I was. She and I both knew we weren't a match to be made. We were worlds apart, never actually together. We were never really there. In the last few weeks I had come to learn that you can either be there with a person, in the moment, really existing. Or you can be corpses, two bodies who can't be anything but that. Absolutely nothing. And I think deep down she knew that. Her heart would break now but eventually she would see that no matter how much we forced it, no matter how much we feigned interest in one another's lives, there was no life shared between us, no spark.

Spark. Is that even a real thing? I had believed it ever since I had met Ardella. A body jolts when the heart meets the thing it needs. There's tingles, blood rushing at the speed of light and all nerves are bundled together. You can barely breathe without feeling the adrenaline.

But had I imagined all that? Had I been young and naive? Had I believed what I wanted to believe for someone who seemed so perfect for me?

I was beginning to doubt it all, but aside from the doubt there was something worse. Something so cruel and paralysing that I hoped it would fade in an instance. Terror. Terrified I'd never meet another love in this life. That I'd never feel what I felt all those years ago. That she would be the only one who ever existed with me.

Kimmy was still crying when I landed back into reality again, but I couldn't sit here for any longer just listening. My lips moved before my brain even processed what to say.

"I am sorry." I spoke with the most sincerity I could muster. I wanted her to believe me, because it was true. I was sorry. I was sorry I couldn't feel something stronger, sorry I couldn't just make myself feel. I wanted to so bad. I needed to know if I could ever feel it again, and selfishly it wasn't for her, it was for me.

Her words seemed to fail her as she opened her mouth, only to shut it not seconds later. Her tongue must have been too tied.

Our waitress parked herself next to our table with a pot of coffee nestled in her hands, reluctantly offering us another cup as her eyes moved from Kimmy and I. I politely declined, knowing she'd be grateful fleeing the predicament we were in.

I looked towards Kimmy once more, my hand moving across the table to meet with hers in an attempt to comfort. She snatched it away like I imagined her to do, her arms crossing over one another as she huffed.

Running my hands through my hair, I breathed out a tired breath. "I think this is best for us. I'm too busy and it's not fair to the both of us." I lied through my teeth because I didn't have the guts to tell her the truth. 

Once again silence surrounded us, the only noise being the hustle and bustle from other tables in the dingy coffee shop. The clientele mainly consisted of students overloaded on caffeine and the smitten elderly couples that would spend half of their days here drinking burning hot lattes and English Tea. It was...cosy. Maybe not my style but it was the only quiet place I could find on a Saturday afternoon. The last thing I wanted was a crowd witnessing the break up of Kimmy Jones and Emerson Hale.  

When I was convinced Kimmy was going to carry on with her silence, I prepared myself for more of an explanation, hoping she would could around, but in the end she finally broke.