In My Blood (Completed)

CHAPTER 11: Moving On... Again

That sorrowful night stretched and dragged on and on. After a group of them took turns digging Flo a shallow grave, they buried her body with tears falling and trickling into the freshly unearthed and replanted dirt as they worked, passing off the shovels to each other in turns. Exhausted both physically and emotionally, some of them crashed in or around the tents Amy and Jesse had pitched earlier, some crying themselves to sleep, others whispering helplessly to each other throughout the night. They took turns consoling Emily, who eventually passed out into a fitful sleep.

At sunrise, Beca set off through the woods with the intention of hunting, but she couldn’t really stomach any food due to the emotional turmoil still churning in her gut--both from the loss of her new friend Flo and the sharp flashbacks that had plagued her during her restless sleep. Instead of seeking game, she gathered a bushel of colorful wildflowers and trekked back to camp, stopping by the elevated patch of dirt and placing the flowers all around. Maybe it was stupid, but it felt like a nice gesture. It wasn’t like there was much more she could do, anyway.

She returned to camp to find Jesse distributing water bottles and Amy handing out the protein bars they’d baked a couple days ago at the mansion and bagged up for future use. She unsnapped her Cardinals hat she’d kept around her front belt loop and resnapped it, pulling it atop her head forwards. It was still early, but her eyes--raw from crying and not much sleep--stung from the sunlight, and the hat’s visor provided some relief.

“What’s the plan?” Jesse intoned softly as he handed Beca some water.

“No idea,” Beca said, lifting her sore shoulders as she glanced around. Half the girls were still in the tents, the others huddled together barely nibbling their breakfasts and sipping on their drinks.

“We could try for another settlement. They need the stability right now.”

Beca wrinkled her nose. “I dunno. I think if we get turned away again it could make things worse for them.” Their spirits were already crushed, she didn’t want them to get depleted. “Maybe we’ll stick around a few days, wait ‘til people are in a better headspace then decide together, y’know?” In the back of her brain, Beca committed to traveling west no matter what, but that wasn’t a battle she had the energy to fight if someone randomly wanted to switching things up and go another direction.

*

The night was haunting. It was like the sudden nightmare of events had stolen their voices as well as Flo from them. Only quiet sobs and the occasional muted murmurs stirred the air around them as several members of the group worked to ensure that Flo was buried properly. Although they were surrounded by those closest to them in sharing their loss, they were all unmoored and adrift in a sea of their own grief. Many of the girls sought solace in one another, even if sleep was elusive in reaching them--there was that instinctive desire to curl together, to let their minds drift with fingers tangled in shirts and hoodies to keep one another close.

Chloe couldn't bring herself to do that. After making sure that Emily was huddled with some of the girls, she took up the first watch of the night. Soft whispers or shuddering breaths reached her occasionally, but otherwise she was alone with her roiling thoughts and the sounds of the forest that pressed in around her. Keeping the vigil over the camp brought her no peace and her eyes burned with exhaustion and the aftermath of tears, but she hadn't really expected anything else.

When her shift was over and she shook Aubrey awake in one of the tents to take over (Aubrey hadn't really been asleep, but neither of them had the heart to point that out), she curled up in the spot that Aubrey had vacated and pretended to sleep. If nothing else, it kept anyone else from noticing the void of guilt in her chest that she felt like was crumbling in around the edges and threatening to consume her. Everyone was so entangled in their own grief that she probably needn't have worried. None of them were acting exactly themselves today anyway.