The Heartbreak Hypothesis

27 - shattered hearts and bitter words

I should have known.

I should have known that this would happen. I should have known what kind of a man James Bennet was. The universe all but handed the truth to me on a sparkling silver platter.

Ruby and Pearl had unknowingly warned me when I overheard them gossiping. A gorgeous blond from my dorm who had a reputation for breaking girls' hearts, they said. They couldn't have made it any clearer. Girls see what they want to see. Pearl was right. I overlooked every red flag.

Noah warned me, too, though his warning came in disguise. A flag signaling commitment issues and a string of casual relationships.

And Joanna. Her warning was the clearest of them all.  Men are like dogs. You're just his toy.

Red flag after red flag after red flag. Apparently, I was color blind.

Then there were the resolutions I made. Resolutions that the logical, rational side of my brain had carved out. I'd totally ignored those, too. And for what? Empty words and butterflies in my stomach? A false sense of security and desire?

Despite my best efforts not to, I'd given my heart away. I'd given it to someone who managed to crush it more than it already was. Perhaps that was my cycle, my loop. I was drawn to the promise of love, but doomed to the inevitability of heartbreak. 

I wandered aimlessly about campus all day after leaving the library, even stepping out altogether and down the street. I'd left my phone in my dorm, so there was literally nothing for me to do but walk and think. The cold breeze from the morning had transformed into an overcast afternoon, light rain pattering down on my cheeks and tangling my blonde curls. It was perfectly poetic given my mood, but I couldn't find it in me to see the beauty in the synchronicity.

The sky rumbled overhead. I tossed my untouched bagel in the trash and pulled the sleeves of my sweater tight around my hands, shielding them from the numbing air as I finally made the trek back to my dorm. I almost broke my hand over one asshole, I wasn't catching a cold over another. 

I was sure that I could slip past James and Dex's room undetected. Or maybe they wouldn't even care if they did see me. James was done with me, apparently. He'd gotten what he wanted; I'd thrown myself at him, just like every other girl did. Finally, he could rest with the knowledge that he was as irresistible as everyone told him he was. That there wasn't a woman alive who was immune to his charms. Not even me.

Especially not me.

The corridor along my floor was more crowded than it had been that morning, most of its inhabitants long awake by the time that I made it back. I kept my head down, shielding my pain from their happiness, hiding my darkness from their light.

But I wasn't as invisible as I hoped I'd be.

"Hey! Jaffy!"

My eyes may or may not have actually rolled into the back of my skull. I didn't even try to hide my irritation as I turned, my expression devoid of anything but impatience as Ivy crossed the hall from her friend's room.