let go || j.m.b

part 22

it was around 5 in the morning now , my eyes hurt from how bad i was crying. i let everything out. how i felt about my dad leaving  , how i felt towards joey, everything that i've been through was on this diary. i've never been much of a person to tell people how i feel , it makes me feel like i'm asking for attention. i've had therapy and a counseling but it didn't work nothing would ever make all these feelings go away . i know it's not healthy that i do this instead of asking for help but this is how i handle my stuff. i get up from my bed and walk over to get towel as i walk downstairs into the backyard. i lay my towel down and take of the hoodie joey let me borrow with the sweat and jump into the pool. as the cold water hit my skin i felt some what better. i swim for about 15 or 10 minutes and sit there watching the sun rise as i hear footsteps

" kelsey " i hear my mom say

" yes " i reply

" what are you doing it's 6 in the morning you can get sick " she said as i didn't reply

" kelsey , look at me " she said as i looked at the sun. my mom already has gotten use to the fact of the way i handle my stuff. she's doesn't like it all . she has been trying to get me to go back to counseling because she " wants what's best for me". which is sweet of her but i don't get why she worries so much about me instead of herself. she acts like she completely fine like if her husband definitely didn't leave to find a other family and only left me and her alone.

" kelsey  " she said getting me out of my thoughts

" what " i reply looking at her

" get out i want to talk to you " she said as i knew what she wanted to talk about as i sigh and get out

" your dad wants to see you " she said as i ignore what she said and walk away

" kelsey " she raised her voice

" look mom i appreciate how you want me to have that relationship with him but do you not get it through your head that i don't want nothing to do with him. he left us like we were nothing and now all of the sudden he wants to be here " i said walking in the house as she followed me

" i understand sweetie but he's your dad you need to have a relationship with him whether you like it or not " she said

" really are you gonna force me to have a relationship with him " i said as i can see her get angry

" pack your stuff " she said walking upstairs

" no " i said

" kelsey your 17 now  act like it okay i'm done being nice with you now pack your stuff because your going with him to new york " she said leaving me mid way during the conversation as i sigh and walk to my room and slam the door

i seriously can't believe her . why in the world does she want me to have a relationship with him does she not get that he didn't want anything to do with us back then and really thinks he wants something with me now . it's not the fact that he just left but the fact he leave us for a new family is what makes me hate him even more . he left like we were nothing like i wasn't his daughter at all. i sigh and start packing as i get a text from joey i ignore it and continue to pack . after what felt like forever i was all done i was so bored and had nothing to do

" kelsey " i hear my mom yell as i sigh and walk downstairs to see my mom setting up the table

" why are you setting up the table for more then 2 seats " i asked

" are we having guests "

" yes some of my friends are coming over with their sons  " she said

" what are you planning on doing " i asked

" nothing i just want you to be here " she said as i rolled my eyes

" for what " i said

" you already know for what kelsey " she said

" go get ready and look nice do you understand " she said as i nod

" oh and your leaving on saturday " she said

" but i already have plans " i said

" saturday " she said as i sigh and walk upstairs to look for something " nice " . after looking for something nice i finally found something that's pretty decent . i take a shower and get all cleaned up i was feeling really sleepy since i barley got any sleep at all. i wonder what joey is doing .. i sigh and walk downstairs

" where are you going " my mom asked

" i just need some air " i said as she looked at me and sighs as i ignore it and walk out to my car . all of the sudden i feel my phone go off

joey

hey , are you okay you left during the middle of the night ?

i leave him on read and drive to some liquor store . i buy myself a energy drink and sit there and just think about everything. life can be so mess up at times . it's crazy how much things can mess up a person . ugh what am i even saying why do i care so much . why can't i just get over it . i make my way back home to see the guys already here . it's kinda early to have some guests over but knowing my mom she doesn't care . i sigh and make my way into the house to see these boys and my moms friends

" oh my god look at you all grown up missy " Crystal says as i smile and give her a hug

" still beautiful as always " ana said

" well i mean she is my daughter " my mom said i rolled my eyes and gave her a hug

"  kelsey " i hear from behind to see tae , tae was my childhood friend he was a bit older then me but we always got along. we had a really really strong friendship until he moved away to study . we both got distant and kinda lost that bond we had

" tae " i said so exited as i run towards him and give him a huge back

" since when did you get back " i asked him as he put me down

" a while ago , i'm sorry for not reaching out " he said

" it's fine at least your here now " i said giving him a big smile

" what about me " i hear to see gio , gio and i were good friends not as close as tae and i were but we always got along

" giooo " i said giving him a hug

" you look very beautiful " tae said

" thank u dummy " i said

" well why don't we eat and catch up " my mom said as we all made our way towards the table .

" so tell me you guys how was it study in a whole different place " my mom asked

" it was actually really good . at first it was difficult but over time things get better " tae said

" that's really good to hear but the one question that i'm dying to ask right now is do you have a girlfriend yet " my mom asked as i immediately almost choke on my water . why would she ever wanna ask that question. does she have any idea how embarrassing that is . i hear tae chucked

" no not yet " he said

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i hope you guys are having a good night or day but i'm thinking of starting a new book . sadly it's not based on joey but still i already posted it if you guys don't mind go check it out it would mean a lot . and by the way i'll continue to post this book and the rest of my other ones :)