Behind these blue eyes

Everything

Ian's P.O.V

I slam the door shut.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck

I can feel my heart beat through my head and Im shaking like crazy so i run. I don't know where to go, but it needs to be away from here.

I stop when I'm out of breath, turns out i didn't get too far. Im in the park in the next neighbourhood. I reach for my headphones in my pocket and sit by a nearby tree. Its pretty dark now so no one will notice and think I'm strange.

I put on my favourite song
Car radio - twenty one pilots

/its on my sleeve, my skin will scream/

I look over at my arm and stare at the many scars on them. I'm so fucked up... Why have i done this to myself. I've been telling myself to stop, but its not enough.

fuck

Where will i sleep tonight?
I have nowhere else to go though..
I'll have to sneak in or something
No. I cant.. He'll see me and want to talk..

I take a deep breath.

Im going to have to deal with this sooner or later.

There is no other option.

I pick myself up of the ground and dust myself off. I take out my headphones and start walking, but i see something in the corner of my eye.

Its Anthony.

On one of the swings.

I start shaking a little and my palms are sweaty (knees weak, arms are heavy)

I breathe in and out slowly for a second until im calm.

I walk over to him and he looks up at me. Damn, his eyes. I know it sounds cheesy but they look so beautiful with the moon reflecting on them. I could just- no..

I sit on the swing next to him and look over. He turn his head and we lock eyes for a second until i look down. What am i doing? Why hasn't he said anything?

"Im sorry" I say quietly, just loud enough for him to hear.

"For what?" he asks confused. He then looks at his lap and i see a single tear fall down his cheek and off his chin. He quickly wipes the trail off with his sleeve.

"Everything.." I say miserably.

He gets up from the seat and walks to me. He pulls my hands from my lap to help me up. Except he doesn't let go. I look up at him and his expressionless face changes into a smile.

I reach in for a hug and bury my head into his chest. I start balling my eyes out and he rubs my back. I can hear him crying too.

"why are /you/ crying" i say inbetween sobs

"I hate to see you like this" he whispers with a sad smile.

We walk over to a bench and sit down.

Anthony looks as if he wants to ask something but then shuts his mouth.

"what?" He noticed i saw.

"Can..can i see your arms?"
I freeze in place. Ive never shown them to anyone before. What will his reaction be? Will he be mad and ask lots of question. ok ok calm down, everything will be fine. okay? okay. (sorrynotsorry)

I lift my sleeve and pull it up to my elbow. He is shocked for a second then i see tears start to form in his eyes."look I'm really sorry okay-"

"No, I'm sorry. I should have noticed and now look how bad you've gotten I'm such a bad friend Ian" he looks down and i see several tear drops fall on his lap.

this.

This is my chance, i can show him how i feel about him. What have i got to lose?

I reach out and pull his chin up. I see the sadness in his eyes then change into confusion. I lean in and close my eyes.

Im kissing him.

Im kissing Anthony freaking Padilla

Its like the whole world around me doesn't even exist. Because now, the only thing that matters is him.
Like all my worries have faded away and I'm just in pure bliss.

I pull away and im starstruck.
Im completely speechless.

Well, what is there to say?
Hi lets make out.

"Well.." Anthony says nervously and giggles.

"Ive wanted to do that for so long" i say looking down blushing.

He slowly intertwines our hands

"Im sorry for going through your stuff"

"It doesn't matter right now.." Im too happy to be mad.

"i know.. But i'm going to get you the help that you need okay? because i cant stand to see you like this and i want whats best for you. So tomorrow, I'm going to get you to talk to my councillor, but don't worry i will be right next to you"

I stay silent for a second to process what he's just said.

"Okay. Thanks ant"

"For what?" He says repeating himself from earlier on purpose.

I giggle and kiss his cheek

"Everything"

//AN: i think i might end it there, i really want to write a phan story but idk if you guys will read it. Ty for waiting so long for these chapter btw-i know im horrible at posting regularly-
-also i just wanted to add that ive come a long way since i started this.

Goodbye my cutie patooties ^.^