12:20

12:00

Time

Time is over.

I turned off the alarm clock as I get out of bed. Sleeping time is done for me. My dreaming time has come to an end. My mind is elsewhere, despite the fact that I am already sitting up. There were small pinches inside my chest. It bothers me because I can clearly feel how it hurts.

I lifted my hand and feel my pulsating heart. I shut my eyes close as sections and bits of my memories returned. Memories from my dreams.

I can still feel how the breeze in that dream contacts my skin as I sit in a lush slope. It feels so genuine. The sentiments stayed. Indeed, even the sensation of delight... also, misery as I go after somebody. It was consistently this way. Me dreaming, and afterward awakening with hazy pictures of what occurred in that dream, however with clear sentiments.

It was as if my mind can't comprehend what I've been feeling. The patterns of my dreams are very similar, yet it gives me different feeling everytime.  It is happiness at times. The majority of the time, it's a sense of longing. I'm yearning for someone I've never met.

Grassy Hill. Old House. Blue rose. White feathers.

Clock.

And him. A face that I can't even remember.

It's all about them all the time.

Before I sank in my own thoughts, I slapped myself twice. As I got out of bed and walked to my bathroom to take a bath, I took a deep breath. Heavy sensations haven't gone away, but I'm trying to ignore them as best I can. It's all a figment of my imagination after all.

I was about to brush my teeth in front of the mirror when I noticed it again. I look at myself with pity and unknown feelings.

"Bakit ba palagi na lang?"

I'm crying again. Unconsciously. Ganito na lang ba lagi? I'm ruminating over a silly dream. I put down my toothbrush and wipe away those obnoxious tears.

I don't have freaking time for this drama! I need to get ready quickly dahil bubuksan ko pa ang flower shop ko. Argh.

"Good morning Miss Jeya"

Yun ang sumalubong sakin nang pumasok ako sa shop ko. Shocks nakakahiya dahil naunahan na naman ako ni Anjie sa pagbubukas ng shop.
I smiled and was going to apologize when she raised her hand.

"Ops! Wag nang magsorry Miss Jeya ah!"

Dahil sa sinabi niya ay natawa na lang ako at napailing. These past few days kasi, napapadalas ang pagpasok ko nang late. Well, I'm not completely late, but I'm not typically like this.

It is because of that stupid feeling every morning. I've been having them since I don't know but parang mas lumalala yata ngayon. Mas nakakabaliw.

"Miss Jeya hello? Hello to the world?"

Did I spaced out again?

"Ahm hehe sige I'll just put my things sa counter" I awkwardly said and directed towards the counter. I'm too embarrassed.

Ipinatong ko ang gamit ko sa isa sa mga drawer sa counter. Inayos ko rin pagkatapos ang mga dapat ayusin gaya ng sign and ilaw. Medyo madilim pa sa labas pero kita ko na ang nagbabadyang pagsikat ng araw. I'm wearing a floral dress kaya ingat na ingat ako sa pagbubuhat ng ilang paso para hindi tumaas yung laylayan ng dress ko.

My Lola's wish when she died was to start a flower store with her inheritance. I'm lucky because Ate Cherry, Lola's trusted friend, made it happen. All I have is this shop and our house in Baguio.  Medyo natatakot ako kasi paunti na nang paunti ang mga customers namin. I'm preparing for February para makabawi kami sa losses namin noong mga nakaraang buwan.