The Pages of Their Journal

The Book

[Posted on May 7, 2020]

[Take note: this story makes the author cringe lol]

"Miss, eto na po yung book."

"Ah, thank you po. Eto po yung bayad." I handed the payment for the book that I requested to be published. I made this book for someone, as a gift. A special someone to me.

After exchanging smiles with the staff, I received a phone call. My best friend's name was flashed on its screen. I answered the request as fast as I could.

"Nasan ka na?" said the other line.

"Sorry, sorry. May dinaan pa kasi ako. I'm on my way na naman na." I answered while entering my car. I turned it on and drove in a hurry, trying not to miss an event.

"Sige, bye."

I finished the phone call because it was getting my attention that I should be giving to the road. I might lose my focus, baka mabangga pa ako at hindi na makarating sa pupuntahan ko. Mahirap na.

After few minutes of driving, I finally found myself in front of the venue. The people were not so many. The event was full of white and black stuffs. The hall full of chairs was well-organized. My best friend was there, standing and waiting. The black suit he was wearing suited him so much. He looked so decent with those.

The sky was blue and calm, opposing the feelings that were mixing inside me.

As soon as my best friend saw me, he walked towards me. A smile could be seen on his face. His mood was light. He was waiting for this event, a remarkable event.

"Buti hindi ka na-late." He chuckled.

"Sus, para namang hindi kayo makakasimula nang wala ako."

"Syempre naman. Ikaw pa."

"Edi wow." I made a funny face then we laughed, I would miss this thing. "Tara na."

I nodded then we entered the venue. I sit on one of the long chairs while he stood in the front. Then, the event started. A song could be heard, as the orchestra played their music. Maraming tao ang dumaan sa pagitan ng dalawang sections ng mga mahahabang upuan. By-partner silang dumadaan na kapwang nakasuot din ng itim at puting mga pormal na damit. Nagsimulang mag-iyakan ang tao. While me, I did not feel sad. I was actually happy for him. I was very, very happy for him. However, the real feelings I felt opposed what I felt on the outside. The feeling inside me was chaotic. It was gray, not vibrant. I felt happy outside, but deeply, I was in grief.

The feelings inside me went wild when I saw a girl dressed in a white formal gown. But, who was I to be angry on her? I was in no position to do so. The girl was accompanied by someone, while walking towards the front.

Mas lalong lumala ang nararamdaman ko dahil sa musikang itinutugtog ng orkestra. I couldn't stand, that's why I went outside. There, the surrounding was cool. The wind was as strong as I was feeling.

Few moments had passed and the event had finally ended. People started to leave. While me, I was still appreciating the environment.

"Nakita kitang umalis kanina, ah. An'yare?" My best friend almost startled me. 

"Wala. Nag-iisip lang ako ng susunod kong story."

"Kinakarir mo na talaga ang pagiging writerist mo, ah. Akala ko ba hindi mo passion 'yan?"

Nagsimula na namang magbago ang emosyon ko. May kaba, dismaya, saya... ngunit nangingibabaw ang lungkot at sakit. Lungkot at sakit na sa isang tao ko lang nararamdaman. "Sa pagsusulat ko na lang nahahanap ang satisfaction. Dahil sa pagsusulat, mahal ako ng taong mahal ko."

The atmosphere started to change. He became confused, not getting my point. His face was puzzled. The tension between us bewildered. He was perplexed.

"Okay." He looked down, knowing that I had a problem. 

"Congratulations, my newly-wed best friend. I'm happy for you. I am very happy for you." I told him, pain could be seen on my face. Tears started to form on my eyes.

 "Alam mo kung bakit ko naging hobby ang pagsusulat? Kasi sa mga story ko, masaya kami ng mahal ko. Wala akong tinatagong lungkot. Kasi sa totoong mundo, may sakit. May sakit na hindi ko alam kung pano papawiin. Napakahirap."

Kapapansin na naguguluhan sya.

"Kasi istorya ko, ako ang pinakasalan mo at hindi sya." Napakabigat ng nararamdaman ko. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him I loved him. Pero ayaw kong makita nya akong umiiyak.

I handed him the book. Yung librong kinuha ko kanina sa publishing house.

He turned his gaze on the cover page and read the title, "Hanggang Kaibigan Mo Lang Ako."

With that, I walked away. Tears started to flow on my cheeks.

I gave him the book I made. Yes, I was the author of the book and I admit, it was made with pain, grief, and sadness. And the cause of all of that, was also the protagonist of my story, my best friend.