The Pages of Their Journal

Even If I Say I Love You, Nothing Will Change

[Posted on July 24, 2020] 

The day was bright and calm, creating harmony with my melting heart.

"I-If I say I l-like you romantically, nothing will change, r-right?" the girl beside me questioned as we occupied one of the seats in this cafeteria.

My head instantly went up and looked at her after we sat. Her eyes were looking down as I observed, afraid of saying those words. My system started to interrogate itself that was currently bewildered because a confession of the girl in front of me.

"What?" I mouthed.

She swallowed multiple times before she finally replied, "U-Uhm, n-nothing."

Sighing in disbelief, I nodded. "Yes." I smiled as I saw her looking at me. Her eyes were as starry as a night sky but they were filled with sadness which made me wondered why. Wasn't that good?

It was the first time she confessed her feelings toward me, with her eyes filled with sadness. 

-

The day was bright and calm, creating harmony with my melting heart.

"A-ah. Nothing will change if I say I like you, right?"

The girl once again announced. She was also looking down right after saying those words of confession to me which gave me uncomfortable feelings.

Stuttering, I said, "Y-Yes."

However, her eyes were in pain and grief which gave me an interrogated mind. It was the nth time she confessed her feelings toward me, with her eyes filled with sadness.

-

The day was bright and calm, creating harmony with my melting heart.

We were in a field of grass when my best friend stood in front of me, the girl who confessed me multiple times. The sun was bright but it didn't give us a very hot feeling. The clouds swayed with the wind blowing which gently caressed the ocean of grass.

It was a moment of silence before she could finally talk. "If I say I like you, nothing will change?" I looked at her with a cold a gaze, sick of this confession. "How many times do I have to tell you that yes, nothing will change." Emphasizing the word 'yes,' I declared. "Are you happy now?"

She looked down and as I observed, however tears started to flow on her cheeks.

"W-Why?" I asked. "Isn't that good?"

She was silent.

"A lot of people will probably distance themselves to the people who confessed to them." I continued.

She was sobbing as she said, "I-It is not that."

I could feel her bewildered emotions because of the tears and sobs that she was giving. My mind was asking itself if I answered in a wrong way. Uncontrolled breathings she was having that made myself feel guilty. Did I answer in wrong?

Swallowing I told, "T-Tell me."

"You're not gonna understand me."

"Then make me understand."

"No, you will not."

"Ha? How can understand you if in the first place you're not explaining it to me?"

"N-No."

"Nothing will change, isn't that good?"

"THAT'S IT!" she shouted at me with her eyes looking at me. They were raging like a fire but were still full of sadness and grief. "Nothing will change even if I say I like you—I love you! Walang magbabago kahit na sabihin kong mahal kita!" Tears didn't cease to fall down her cheeks." Nothing will change... walang magbabago. Kaibigan pa rin ako sayo kahit sabihin kong gusto kita. At hindi iyon magbabago; hanggang kaibigan mo lang ako."

It was the last time she confessed her feelings toward me, with her eyes filled with sadness.