Graduation

Vacation Part II

After several minutes of sitting alone at the beach Zon finally calmed himself down. He decided that he would go talk to Saifah and if it upset him he wouldn’t talk about it anymore. He wanted to make it up to him but when he reached their room he saw that Saifah was already asleep or was he pretending?. It made him sad again but if he was really sleeping he didn’t want to disturb him adding fuel to the fire. So he just took a shower and changed out of his beach clothes into more comfortable clothes. He finally went to bed knowing that he wouldn’t get any sleep. Saifah was sleeping with his back facing him and Zon wanted to say so many things. He lied down facing Saifah’s back , “I’m sorry, Sai. I know I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m really sorry. I just hope you would just talk to me.” He was really hoping Saifah wasn’t asleep and hear it, however when he didn’t get any reply he just gave up and tried to sleep.

Of course Saifah was still awake, he was just pretending to be asleep because the day was already so exhausting and he didn’t want to continue that conversion right now. How could he fall asleep after hearing Zon say those words and not doing anything to comfort him. Saifah had heard everything Zon had said. It really broke his heart in resisting an urge to lay his head on Zon’s lap feeling his warm embrace and tell him everything. But when he turned to his side he saw that Zon was already asleep. He decided he would tell Zon everything the first thing in the morning, he could not keep it to himself anymore and it was killing him every day.
Zon was suddenly woken up in the middle of the night. He looked around him in confusion and he couldn’t remember when he fell asleep. Now that he turned to his side and saw that Saifah wasn’t in the bed. He panicked thinking that whether him bringing up the topic of his parents had caused such a reaction from him. He frantically started searching for him everywhere and finally he saw him standing at the balcony. A flood of relief washed all over him after seeing Saifah there.

Saifah was standing there looking at the sea. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t sleep. Zon came from behind and hugged him from the back, wrapping his hands tightly around his waist and resting his head on his back.

“Why did you do that, Sai. You know I was worried so much hmmm? Don’t do this again. I’m sorry for doing that. If you feel uncomfortable talking about that I will never bring it up. I promise Sai. But don’t ever disappear like this. I just hope you could talk to me , but if you’re not ready I will wait for that day Sai. But don’t shut yourself like this.” Zon’s felt a lump in his throat and no matter how hard he tried to hold himself back, he couldn’t. The tears came bursting down his face.

Saifah’s heart broke at hearing Zon cry just because he was an asshole at handling the situation. It wasn’t Zon’s fault and yet he was the one apologising . He hated himself for making Zon feel this way. He couldn’t handle seeing Zon cry and the tears broke free from his eyes. He turned to face Zon and embraced him into a tight hug and never wanted to let him go. His hand was caressing Zon’s small of a back assuring him that everything will be okay while the other hand patted his head.

“Why are you asking sorry, baby? It was my fault for handling the situation so poorly and I am the one who should be asking sorry Zon. I’m really sorry for lashing at you earlier, I really am. Please stop crying baby. You know I cannot handle watching you cry. I am really sorry, Zon please don’t cry”

Hearing Saifah’s reassuring words helped calm Zon down a bit. But he still wasn’t sure if Saifah was okay about the whole thing.

“Are you not mad at me?” Zon asked while looking at Saifah with his big puppy eyes.

“Of course not baby, you know I cannot stay mad at you for long, don’t you? Yes I agree that I behaved like a total asshole before but I’m sorry Zon. I don’t know what took over me and I behaved in a way I shouldn’t have. And about my parents, I couldn’t sleep all night and was thinking I want to tell you everything Zon. I know we are in a relationship for long now and hiding things from each other will never be an option if we want to keep it the way it is alright?”

“Okay I understand Saifah. But I’m also okay if you don’t want to talk about it and if you have made up your mind then you know I’ll always be here to listen. Maybe we should go inside and talk about it?”

Zon held Saifah’s hand and led him towards the bed. They both sat on the bed and Zon was curious to know what actually happened between him and his family. Zon took both of Saifah’s hands into his and held them tight in a way to tell him he was there for him.

“When I was in high school I had to go through many things, I was always confused about my sexuality and couldn’t figure out what exactly I felt or who I was into. Yes I was interested in and dated girls since the beginning but during my senior year there was this guy in my class to whom I was attracted to. At beginning I wasn’t sure what was this feeling because I was too young to figure out this shit on my own and I was always confused. I got close to him and we started talking and I could tell he was interested in me too and I learned that I was interested in both men and women alike and that I was bisexual.” He was getting emotional talking about his past and the memories all flashed in front of him. It was as if he was reliving all his past wounds. “So we got closer and one day I invited him to my place when my parents weren’t home. I don’t know what happened but my parents were back and we didn’t even realise and they caught us making out. And when they asked me about this I kind of came out to them and it was obvious considering the situation.” At this point Saifah was was gasping for air to let the words out of his mouth because it was too painful. He took a deep breathe and continued. “And then they asked him to leave and we got into a huge argument about this and my parents weren’t supportive and understanding about this, not in the slightest. According to them my love wasn’t valid you know how parents can be with all the stereotypes. And the situation got worse and I left my home for good. Because I couldn’t live with the parents who couldn’t accept me the way I am and live according to what they think is right. I lost contact with him after this incident and drifted apart. And eversince I’ve been all on my own and of course my brother helped me a lot in getting me into university without my parents’ knowledge and I will forever be thankful to him. I’ve never dated anyone after that incident until you showed up in my life and I was too careful with you since the beginning because I was scared I would mess things up again and I cannot handle losing people who I love anymore Zon.” he almost choked finishing the sentence and started sobbing, he was pouring his heart out to Zon and hoped he would understand him. Zon was trying his best to be strong for Saifah but couldn’t help it when he saw him cry. He too started crying hearing what had happened.

“And I didn’t tell you all this earlier because I was afraid you would think of me as a coward for not standing up to his own parents. And the thing you said about being ashamed of you, don’t you ever think that way Zon. I could never be ashamed of you . I would love to introduce you to my parents if they were more accepting but you know I can’t. I love you so much Zon, please don’t ever leave me. I don’t know if I can handle it if it ever happened“ With this Saifah collapsed into Zon’s arms and hugged him tight resting his head on Zon’s chest and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Shhh it’s okay Saifah. I’m right here with you, I’m not going anywhere okay?. It’s alright I’m here, now stop crying.” Zon tried to calm him down. He was thinking about what Saifah had to go through at such an young age and he should have known the signs and stopped pestering him asking about it. But now that everything was out in the open he was glad they talked about it. He realised that the cool and unbothered exterior of Saifah was actually just his cover, was that why he was so careful with him since the beginning? Now it all made sense to him and in fact Saifah was afraid of getting too close to people fearing that they would leave him too. He was happy Saifah gave a chance to their relationship. “I promise Saifah I will never leave you. I will always be here.”

They were too tired to continue this conversation further and as it was late they decided to sleep. Saifah fell asleep in Zon’s arms feeling comfortable in his warm embrace. Sometimes even though people seem strong on the outside they need the assurance once in a while, they need to be babied and taken care of, thought Zon to himself and he promised himself he would try to make him happy and forget about his painful past.