The Yellow Pages: The Spark That Burned Out

Untitled Part 1

I wish I could find out where people get their spark from. Then maybe, just maybe I would be able to make my spark a bit brighter. It's not that I don't have one, in fact mine might be one of the brightest I've ever seen. But it's only lit by certain fires. Fires that take the time to understand me, acknowledge me, cultivate me and grow with me. Fires that don't scorn me for my imperfections but teach me to be better. Teach me to be brighter and make me more whole.

What people also don't understand about this is when fires burn, they can burn out. They have to be relit ever so often. If you've lost your light, or if there's no more of the match that is impossible, and there goes the spark along with it. As a match, waiting for a lighter can be complex. So much is expected and so little is to be gained. If you want to spark, there is work to be done. Preparations. There are skills to learn and as a result, not everyone has the opportunity to witness the spark. I was tired of waiting. Tired of preparing. Tired of explaining why I was tired.

It was late when I left. I turned my back on the things I knew and the values I held dear to me. I knew that if I wanted something different and to break away, it was the only thing I could do. I had a plan. At 10pm the train left from central station. I saved enough for a one way ticket, getting skinny in the process. I told no one. The other girls would tell their parents in a heartbeat. At our finishing school, I was always the bold one. The one that people turned their heads at and laughed at. But this would be no more, because I would be gone. They would remember me as the girl that left, and hopefully, one day, the girl that changed lives.

My name is Marissa Debaur. I am 20 years old and a slave to the system. In the town where i'm from, my rights as a woman are slim. We're allowed to see outside our 500 person town on our cellular devices, but NEVER allowed to emulate it. Those girls don't know better. They don't know the perks of our systems. They're in place to protect us. All things I have heard, but no longer believe. No longer care about and no longer think is practical. All these new thoughts have been boiling and I am finally ready to share my story in this journal. The Yellow Pages: The Spark That Burned Out.